Malcolm Turntable's definitions

The Oxfam Beast

The angry spectre rumoured to haunt many Oxfam shops. Some say it is the ghost of cheap stuffed animals sold there, but evidence is scarce.

The Oxfam Beast devoured the elderly woman browsing the book shelf.

...She never did find the book she was looking for.

by Malcolm Turntable June 19, 2009

Jewfoot

The sudden occurance of nervousness located inside your feet during interviews (i.e throbbing) and as a result, you run away to a nearby non-jewish foot masseure.

Jeremius was scared about his weatherman interview, and as a result he jewfooted it to a nearby foot masseure operated by an irishman named Ted.

by Malcolm Turntable June 18, 2009

Holy barnicles

A blaspheous word used in conjunction with a loud screech when scared.

"Holy barnicles, it's alive!"

by Malcolm Turntable June 19, 2009

eco-lieutenant

The name given to an eco-warrior who has earned the next rank.

Al Gore was always jealous of his brother; a chief eco-lieutenant.

by Malcolm Turntable June 19, 2009

caravan karma

The belief that if you stay in a grotty caravan one year, you will get a luxury caravan the next. Unfortunately this isn't yet proved, and as a result this world has many unsatisfied holidaygoers.

"what a shithole this caravan is"

"thank God for caravan karma then my son"

by Malcolm Turntable June 19, 2009

chessers

1) The use of checkers pieces in a game of chess. Nobody wins because nobody knows what pieces can move where as they are all the same

2) The phrase used when a "king chesser" is unable to move without being caught.

"dude, can this piece move here?"

"chessers is so confusing"

"omg i did it, you're so chessered!"

by Malcolm Turntable June 19, 2009

jewjitsu

The art of defening against an onslaught of Jewish civillians with a crushing blow.

One day a jewish doctor attempted to seize a bank. Fortunately, he was sent into a daze after he was attacked by an expert of jewjitsu.

by Malcolm Turntable June 18, 2009