Mai Ainsel's definitions
The alter ego responsible for anything bad you were caught doing. Originally a meme based on a Tumblr user that claimed "Eminem isn't violent, Slim Shady is," and the response "im robbing a bank tomorrow and when the cops come for me imma tell them it was my alter ego countess boochie flagrante," it is now used for any time someone tries a "that isn't really who I am" excuse.
Person: "I'm sorry about that videoed incident of me screaming racial slurs at minorities! I just want you to know, that does not represent the sort of person I am."
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
by Mai Ainsel November 6, 2019
Get the Countess Boochie Flagrantemug. A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a woman lets her own sexual interest in someone strongly color her judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in her. It makes her interpret every gesture from her object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as dickful thinking if it's a man.
Her: "So my one night stand from 3 weeks ago hasn't called me, even though I gave him my number and my email. He didn't give me his real name or contact info, but he mentioned he was a professor, so I looked through the online faculty profiles of every university in 100 miles, and found his picture. I think he'd like to see me again but just lost my contact info. Should I email him at the work address I found on the faculty website, or just show up and surprise him after one of his classes? I think he'd like being surprised like that."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
by Mai Ainsel February 5, 2020
Get the Clitful Thinkingmug. A variation of malicious compliance where you respond (or offer to respond) with way more than what was asked of you, in order to try and pressure the asker to back off.
Sue: "So I told my husband I wasn't ok with him staying at his ex-girlfriend's house when he visited her town," and he was like, 'fine, I'll never hang out alone with any female friend - ever - if that's what it takes for you to trust me'!"
Sam: "That's some grade-A malicious over-compliance. My Mom's the queen of it. I told her I didn't have time to talk for 3 hours on the phone every day and she goes 'oh I'm so sorry, I'll stop bothering you with my sad, boring life - I'll never demand speak to you again... but perhaps you would allow me a 2-minute call on my birthdays and maybe Christmas?' Like, geez, lady!"
Kid: "Bye Dad, I'm gonna hang out with some older guys in a parking lot."
Sam: "No you're not - it's 10:30pm on a school night ."
Kid: "Fine, I guess I'll just stay home all day every day and never do anything but study and pray!"
Sam: "That's nice, kid - now do your homework." *turns to Sue* "Yeah, my daughter apparently inherited the malicious over compliance talent from gran-gran. I was sort hoping she'd get Mom's singing talent, but nooo... just the theater drama."
Sam: "That's some grade-A malicious over-compliance. My Mom's the queen of it. I told her I didn't have time to talk for 3 hours on the phone every day and she goes 'oh I'm so sorry, I'll stop bothering you with my sad, boring life - I'll never demand speak to you again... but perhaps you would allow me a 2-minute call on my birthdays and maybe Christmas?' Like, geez, lady!"
Kid: "Bye Dad, I'm gonna hang out with some older guys in a parking lot."
Sam: "No you're not - it's 10:30pm on a school night ."
Kid: "Fine, I guess I'll just stay home all day every day and never do anything but study and pray!"
Sam: "That's nice, kid - now do your homework." *turns to Sue* "Yeah, my daughter apparently inherited the malicious over compliance talent from gran-gran. I was sort hoping she'd get Mom's singing talent, but nooo... just the theater drama."
by Mai Ainsel July 9, 2020
Get the Malicious Over-Compliancemug. A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.
Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."
Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."
OR
Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."
Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."
Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."
OR
Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."
Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."
by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020
Get the dickful thinkingmug. A publicly devout man or woman who uses their pious reputation to aid in cheating on their partners. Can be either using the excuse of church activities or "ministering" to folk as a cover for their trysts, or making ostentatious public displays of religious contrition to rehabilitate their image after being caught.
Sue: "Wow, Bob's really involved in the Church Choir."
Sam: "Involved with 3 separate women in the choir while his wife watches the kids at home is more like it - he's such a Jesus Cheater."
OR
Sally: "After much prayer, I know that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I'll pray that he helps you open your heart to his will and find forgiveness as well."
Sally's Husband: "Don't try that Jesus Cheater shit on me! You've been fucking that douche Bob from choir - we're getting a divorce!"
Sam: "Involved with 3 separate women in the choir while his wife watches the kids at home is more like it - he's such a Jesus Cheater."
OR
Sally: "After much prayer, I know that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I'll pray that he helps you open your heart to his will and find forgiveness as well."
Sally's Husband: "Don't try that Jesus Cheater shit on me! You've been fucking that douche Bob from choir - we're getting a divorce!"
by Mai Ainsel July 25, 2021
Get the Jesus Cheatermug. Pointless nitpicking of a solution - especially with a cover of SJW-style pretentiousness masked as inclusivity. Like if someone had responded to "maybe I'll provide sandwiches for the office lunch," with "not everyone can eat sandwiches - what if they can't lift the bread with their hands because they're disabled, or what if their religion forbids sandwiches, or what if sandwiches are a trigger?"
Sue: "So I suggested maybe the girls from bookclub would like a movie night to see the film of the book we just read, and Karen kept going on about how we needed to check to make sure there weren't any triggers in the movie, and see if we needed to post a flashing-lights warning."
Bob: "Does anyone in the bookclub actually need that?"
Sue: "No. She just likes being a Not Everyone Can Eat Sandwiches pain in the ass."
Bob: "I hear you. I got a guy at the office who says it would be unfair to offer team lunches as a reward for people because it excludes those who practice intermittent fasting. We don't even have anyone that does that - but hey, he says one day we might, and then that person might feel excluded."
Bob: "Does anyone in the bookclub actually need that?"
Sue: "No. She just likes being a Not Everyone Can Eat Sandwiches pain in the ass."
Bob: "I hear you. I got a guy at the office who says it would be unfair to offer team lunches as a reward for people because it excludes those who practice intermittent fasting. We don't even have anyone that does that - but hey, he says one day we might, and then that person might feel excluded."
by Mai Ainsel April 7, 2021
Get the Not everyone can eat sandwichesmug. Someone who pretends to be your friend in the hopes that they can eventually manipulate your friendly attachment to them into a romantic relationship
"Bob keeps pretending to be friends with girls, then passive-aggressively trying to guilt them into dating him because he's such a Nice Guy. He's a real friendzone predator."
by Mai Ainsel June 28, 2020
Get the Friendzone Predatormug.