Clitful Thinking

A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a woman lets her own sexual interest in someone strongly color her judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in her. It makes her interpret every gesture from her object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as dickful thinking if it's a man.

Her: "So my one night stand from 3 weeks ago hasn't called me, even though I gave him my number and my email. He didn't give me his real name or contact info, but he mentioned he was a professor, so I looked through the online faculty profiles of every university in 100 miles, and found his picture. I think he'd like to see me again but just lost my contact info. Should I email him at the work address I found on the faculty website, or just show up and surprise him after one of his classes? I think he'd like being surprised like that."

Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."

Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."

Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."

by Mai Ainsel February 05, 2020

Friendzone Predator

Someone who pretends to be your friend in the hopes that they can eventually manipulate your friendly attachment to them into a romantic relationship

"Bob keeps pretending to be friends with girls, then passive-aggressively trying to guilt them into dating him because he's such a Nice Guy. He's a real friendzone predator."

by Mai Ainsel June 28, 2020

bang nanny

A woman that a man gets into a relationship with primarily so she'll watch his kids from another relationship

Her: "Sorry, we have to cancel girls night. I forgot that Boyfriend has custody of his kids tonight and so I have to make them dinner, help them with their homework, and prepare their school lunch for tomorrow."

Friend: "Girl, he's using you as a bang nanny! DTMFA."

by Mai Ainsel October 21, 2019

Not everyone can eat sandwiches

Pointless nitpicking of a solution - especially with a cover of SJW-style pretentiousness masked as inclusivity. Like if someone had responded to "maybe I'll provide sandwiches for the office lunch," with "not everyone can eat sandwiches - what if they can't lift the bread with their hands because they're disabled, or what if their religion forbids sandwiches, or what if sandwiches are a trigger?"

Sue: "So I suggested maybe the girls from bookclub would like a movie night to see the film of the book we just read, and Karen kept going on about how we needed to check to make sure there weren't any triggers in the movie, and see if we needed to post a flashing-lights warning."

Bob: "Does anyone in the bookclub actually need that?"

Sue: "No. She just likes being a Not Everyone Can Eat Sandwiches pain in the ass."

Bob: "I hear you. I got a guy at the office who says it would be unfair to offer team lunches as a reward for people because it excludes those who practice intermittent fasting. We don't even have anyone that does that - but hey, he says one day we might, and then that person might feel excluded."

by Mai Ainsel April 07, 2021

dickful thinking

A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.

Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."

Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."

OR

Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."

Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."

by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020

Whomst

Hard to explain. Basically means "who/whom" but with an implied "like I give a fuck" at the end.

Bob: "We better get out of here before the teacher catches us."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"

Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."

by Mai Ainsel December 17, 2020

Malicious Over-Compliance

A variation of malicious compliance where you respond (or offer to respond) with way more than what was asked of you, in order to try and pressure the asker to back off.

Sue: "So I told my husband I wasn't ok with him staying at his ex-girlfriend's house when he visited her town," and he was like, 'fine, I'll never hang out alone with any female friend - ever - if that's what it takes for you to trust me'!"

Sam: "That's some grade-A malicious over-compliance. My Mom's the queen of it. I told her I didn't have time to talk for 3 hours on the phone every day and she goes 'oh I'm so sorry, I'll stop bothering you with my sad, boring life - I'll never demand speak to you again... but perhaps you would allow me a 2-minute call on my birthdays and maybe Christmas?' Like, geez, lady!"

Kid: "Bye Dad, I'm gonna hang out with some older guys in a parking lot."

Sam: "No you're not - it's 10:30pm on a school night ."

Kid: "Fine, I guess I'll just stay home all day every day and never do anything but study and pray!"

Sam: "That's nice, kid - now do your homework." *turns to Sue* "Yeah, my daughter apparently inherited the malicious over compliance talent from gran-gran. I was sort hoping she'd get Mom's singing talent, but nooo... just the theater drama."

by Mai Ainsel July 09, 2020