Definitions by Long Johns

Halloween 

Towards the cold nights, those who hold back from lighting up that fire place - in todays society flicking on the central heating - a group of frighteners will knock on peoples doors. Come from the energy supply, back then was the woodsman who chopped the wooden logs for everyone, to scare people into making use of that paid service.

Jack, the woodsman, spent all his hard working weeks chopping down trees for people to burn on their fires. Only some like to hold on till the very last moment, when matters are important enough to waste more than they can use. Only Jack knows that people like this prevents him earning that extra more for this time of year. So on the night for Halloween, using their given jack-o-lanterns, sends out a group of scarey looking scoundrals to put the frighteners on the village folk to burn. It still happens today in some cases, with todays way for doing things, the dark nights are even more so terrorising.

Halloween by Long Johns October 24, 2014

Waiting for the dust to settle. 

As many think of today for some atmospheric clearance of waiting for the dust to settle, it is actually a moment for grief. That time shared and spent during the moments of having someones ashes and the distance it takes till that dust settles to move on.

Sad Joan recently lost her beloved dog. A pet she was always walking everyday, seen by everyone, and spoken to as their nearest and dearest.

Having a cremation for her long lost pet, she carefully placed the ashes upon her mantle piece.
Each day as her closest friends paid their respectful concerns, as they were waiting for the dust to settle. Then the days were becoming brighter again.

Waiting for the dust to settle. by Long Johns October 4, 2014

Textracted

When feeling that urge to text someone while also walking or driving or somewhere that takes your concentration away for being 'textracted'.... (of course please do not text and drive)

Walking for the bus, Angy grabbed her phone to text someone.

Text: "on my...........fuck, I just tripped over the pavement. On my way"
Still being 'textracted' Angy quickens her pace and starts to slowly run for the bus that she see from the corner of her eye has arrived at the bus stop.
Text: "Gettin on bus...........shit, coat is caught in the buses door.......on bus now"

Textracted by Long Johns January 1, 2014

#Selfie

A #selfie, a picture that is self taken over and over and can never be pleased with the slight areas of issues to have with features...like blemishes, wonky eye, big nose, stiff upper lip, double chin....bless whoever has all of those and not just the one!!!

Jilly: (snap) mmmm, now which one should I use? (asks her teddy bear)

Teddy: (just stares)

Jill: well you're no help, you're suppose to point out how beautiful I am.

Teddy: (just stares with a slight shrugging look this time)

Jill: so which #selfie pic am I supposed to use then....mmmmm, how about all of them?

Teddy: (just stares this time with sheer panic)

If only teddy bear could shake his head frantically!!!

#Selfie by Long Johns November 27, 2013

Bitch slap 

A bitch slap is a subtle yet harsh way to make sure they get the point across well and truly. Particularly for those annoying bitches whom just do not get the hint, and keep on and on at you until provoked to 'bitch slap' them, like a wake up call.

Bitch: wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me..

Victim: No, you're alright.

Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.

Victim: I said no, thanks.

Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...

Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?

Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.

Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?

Bitch slap by Long Johns November 27, 2013

Can I get a witness 

Back in the days when the law was truly an ass, a witness was strong enough to cast judgement on any poor soul they wish to pass blame. Sometimes it took knocking on peoples doors to ask 'can I get a witness', and where the idea for Jehovah Witnesses come from for knocking on peoples doors and throwing the book at them. Taking desperate measures to either clear someones name or to pass blame on to another. Can also be used for those quick marriages some like to have that same day when only set eyes on someone.

Woman: "I'm desperate, please help me to save my son....please, I beg of you."
Stranger: "ok, I see what I can do."
Woman: "thank you, thank you, praise the lord."
Stranger: "Can I get a witness?"
Random Passer-by: "Sure, I'll say he was with me all the time."

Can I get a witness by Long Johns August 25, 2013

Teacup on a saucer 

What seems larger in scale, whatever the object to be, is actually smaller to take. Something that is being supported by another source. A teacup on a saucer.

Janet thought her income would be much more from the looks of things. Only John being the supported one, realistically Janet only had the teacup on a saucer.

Teacup on a saucer by Long Johns February 12, 2013