51 definitions by LiberaceHudson

Barry grew up in a very open household, his parents regularly walking about naked in front of him. One day he was talking with his friend Emily on the telephone when his mother walked past him without a stitch on. Without warning, she let out a very aggressive sounding queef which shook him to the core. It was not unlike the sound that is made when a rubber bath mat is pulled forcibly up from the inside of a bathtub. Barry suddenly felt quite nauseous and dry-heaved. Emily asked what was wrong. Barry couldn't say. Barry's mother was by now in the next room banging Barry's dad who was none the wiser.

"You'll never guess who I saw in the local health shop last week?"
"I have no idea although I think it's a safe bet to suggest it wasn't Eamonn Holmes."
"No, he was down Gregg's. They had to close the shop after he'd been there to do a restock."

"Wow, look at Eamonnsfat. What a whopper of a boat."
"I know. If that boat was human it would be morbidly obese."

Daryl wears men's clothes, enjoys typically male pursuits, doesn't want to be female and isn't gay yet he talks with an effeminate lisp and has very prominent Jazz hands. He's not a welcome addition to the local gun club even though he's banged over 500 women. He's a real gender blender.

"Hello Mick, how are you?"
"Not sa good mate. My old mam only has to go to that Dignitarse place over in Switzerland."
"I didn't know you agreed with euphenasia mate."
"I don't but she's taking so bleeding long to die. We just want the money."

"Hello Uncle Philip, where are you off to today?"
"I've got to go down the doings later to see about getting some money back on the shoes I bought. They don't fit right."
"Good luck with that Uncle."
"Thanks. Tell your mother I'll pop in and see her next week after I've got back from the doings down your road."
"Will do."

Wendy waddled down the local bar in her denim shorts which threatened to be torn asunder by her enormous size and her neon pink boob tube. She flirted with all the guys but when it came down to it, she cock-blocked them all even though she was instigating all the flirtations herself. She took her not inconsiderable heft home alone again, the old dry goods wagon she was turning out to be.