16 definitions by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia

1
What you call it when you have diarrhea and you cough or sneeze so hard that you crap your pants.
*cough cough* "Oh crap, I misfired! Better change clothes."
Get the mug
Get a misfire mug for your barber Günter.
2
A derogatory nickname for the PS2 console.
Look at that little buttboy with his Penis-2. What's his name? Oh yeah, sony roolz.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia September 19, 2003
Get the mug
Get a Penis-2 mug for your girlfriend Larisa.
3
An inside joke among Bellsouth Dial-Up tech support agents (actually Calltech, who outsource for Bellsouth). Comes from a phony customer listing named "Monkey Butter" which was used much like a message board between the agents. It had a lot of funny posts and lots of HTML. It was eventually deleted when one of the supervisors caught wind of it.

On a related note, another agent created a listing called "Son of Monkey Butter" and was fired in short order for it.
"Dude, check out what somebody put on Monkeybutter!"
Get the mug
Get a monkeybutter mug for your grandma Zora.
4
Refers to the close resemblence of George W. Bush to a common monkey.
What's in that cage? A Bushminkey?
Get the mug
Get a Bushminkey mug for your barber Callisto.
5
The most ass outsourcing company in the world. They basically pay you 9 bucks an hour to sit on a phone and be a script monkey while drunk, angry rednecks call to complain that the service sucks because they can't spell their fucking password and/or don't know what a username is. (True story.) Furthermore, half the time, your diagnostic tools are hopelessly broken, and you're forced to "do the best you can." Management is a joke, as most of the time, the managers just hang out in their office or the breakroom, play with numbers, take three-hour lunch breaks, and leave early.

They have health and dental packages, but the coverage sucks shit and gets taken out of your paycheck. They don't give sick days, they give sick HOURS, as if you're supposed to recover from the flu in four hours and get back to work. You can't take the day off if you're sick unless you have PERSONAL VACATION TIME to use up. If you stay home with your sick child, you're reprimanded, and if you do it again, you get fired.

They also have a ridiculously high turnover rate - people usually quit after a month or so - and they're sometimes forced to put uncertified trainees on the call floor with a script and a prayer. This further exacerbates the first problem, as callers seeking help are frustrated with people that honestly don't know what they're doing, which gives them and the company they outsource for a bad image.

If you work the evening shift, your night will basically work like this:

3:30 PM - Come in early to make a good impression on the boss, only to be told that they don't want you in the building more than 15 minutes before your shift, and you are summarily thrown out.

3:45 PM - Come back in and rush for the next 15 minutes and try to find an unoccupied cubicle. Yes, you don't get your own workstation, you have to share one with all the stupid whackbag employees.

4:00 PM - Shift starts. Steady call flow, not too bad.

5:00 PM - Morning shift ends. You get hit with the backlog as there are suddenly too few agents on the floor that know what they're doing and give a shit about the customer.

5:00 PM to 9:30 PM - Trying hopelessly to clear out a massive queue in the call gate.

9:30 PM - Calls finally slow down as customers give up and go to bed.

10:00 PM to 12:00 AM - Boredom sets in. Only a few incoming calls. You see, you're pretty much not allowed to do anything at your desk but twiddle your thumbs when you are available. Oh, wait, that's right, you don't get your own desk.

11:59 PM - Just as you're about to log out for the night, Bubba calls you with some huge, convoluted problem.

12:59 AM - Finally get Bubba off the phone after finding out it's nothing you can help them with anyway, yet they still believe YOU broke their computer and want to cancel their service. As you clock out and head to the door, one of the supervisors bitches you out for spending so long on that last call and staying for an hour of "unapproved overtime."

In short, it's a company bound for the shitter. Stay away, stay away...
Calltech seriously needs to go Chapter 11.
Get the mug
Get a Calltech mug for your brother Manafort.
6
When one takes their laptop into the bathroom and uses the Internet while they are sitting on the toilet.
Oh damn, I have to crap, but my friend just got on...time to start cansurfing.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia December 08, 2005
Get the mug
Get a cansurfing mug for your daughter-in-law Sarah.
7
1) A run down area of any town or city, but most often used in terms of the inner city. Any area with low or non-existent property value. May or may not refer to a high-crime area, but often does.

2) Anything that is jury rigged, broken in some way, or otherwise of generally poor quality. Refers to the frequency at which poverty-stricken people must improvise to survive on low income.
1) Pine Manor is a ghetto so full of drug dealers and other criminals, that it is often nicknamed "Crime Manor."

2) The students called their portable classroom "ghetto" because one of the windows is broken, the walls are covered with mold and ancient spitwads, the desks are falling apart, and the whiteboard has a number of inexplicable dents in it.
Get the mug
Get a ghetto mug for your coworker Sarah.