Definitions by Johnny Pot Smoker

Taking matters into your own hands 

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Holding your sausage hostage
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Mary rejecting him for sex once again, Larry had to take matters into his own hands."

Taking matters into your own hands by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

Slap boxing the one-eyed champ 

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Taking matters into your own hands
Holding your sausage hostage
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Tired of boxing about his girlfriends, and ending up in jail, Mike Tyson started slap bozing the one-eyed champ instead."

Slap boxing the one-eyed champ by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

Holding your sausage hostage 

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Taking matters into your own hands
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Jeremy, finding himself all alone, with a ready supply of porn, decided to take his sausage hostage."

Holding your sausage hostage by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

George W. Bush 

Someone who came to power because he's a Republican.
And heaven forbid that a Republican not vote for a Republican.
And also, without a shadow of a doubt, the stupidest President the USA has ever had. Backed up by the other 3 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Donald Rumsfeld.
All of whom, for the record, are almost as stupid as Dubyah himself.

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." - What?!?!

George W. Bush by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

Ronaldinho 

1. Greatest player to walk out of Brazil since Ronaldo.
2. A stabbing pain in the side of Alex Ferguson. Hahahaha.
3. Instigator of the most enjoyable moment of my life; Putting England out of the World Cup with a wonder Free-Kick from all of 35 Yards.

"Did you see the goal Ronaldinho scored against England in the World Cup? Yes? Well, guess what. You get to see it again."

Ronaldinho by Johnny Pot Smoker September 3, 2003

beasting 

The act of brutally fucking someone.

"Jimmy was beasting Mary behind the bike-shed."

beasting by Johnny Pot Smoker September 3, 2003

tug-o-war with the Cyclops 

masturbate
wank
jack off
Stroke the Salami
a date with Pam and her five friends
the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.

"Failing to find someone to fuck after the club, Jimmy resorted to a tug-o-war with the Cyclops."

tug-o-war with the Cyclops by Johnny Pot Smoker September 3, 2003