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Jamie Douglas's definitions

Wisden

The cricketing bible.

Wisden is something useful to keep by your shitter for those long visits.
Quick, let's all run down the shop and get this years Wisden!

I'm off to the can for a nice long dump, let me grab my Wisden!
by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006
mugGet the Wisdenmug.

manners

Something that costs nothing, but most of the population seem to have an aversion to.

Good manners are a gateway to success. Bad manners are a gateway to a good hiding.
Look at that girl with her cooch on the dinner table, she has the most awful manners!

Good manners include offering your seat to a pregnant woman on the bus.
by Jamie Douglas December 14, 2006
mugGet the mannersmug.

pannces

Alternate spelling of the word pants amongst the literati.
C'mon Jeeves, let's go down the public lavatories and writes cursewords on the wall like "pannces"
by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006
mugGet the panncesmug.

varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.
Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
mugGet the varnished monkeymug.

full frontal lobotomy

A full frontal lobotomy is a form of psychosurgery. It consists of cutting the connections to and from, or simply destroying, the prefrontal cortex. This brain region has been implicated in planning complex cognitive behaviours, personality expression and moderating correct social behavior.

These procedures often result in major personality changes. Lobotomies have been used in the past to treat a wide range of mental illnesses including schizophrenia, clinical depression, and various anxiety disorders.

Celebrities who have had this procedure include Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest, golfer Jack Nicklaus, Prince William and President George W Bush.

The distinguishing mark of someone who has had a full frontal lobotomy is a nice pair of scars around the temples. The survival rate of the operation was vastly increased after the discovery of the lead pipe, which could be used to knock patients unconscious before the operation and meant surgery was no longer performed on people who were awake.

The full frontal lobotomy has long been criticized by the medical profession, as many are repulsed at the idea of destroying healthy tissue. The procedure while seemingly barbaric has been found particularly effective in controlling politicians.

Tesco began offering full frontal lobotomies with a four pack of tinned spaghetti in 1999.
"Let's go to the supermarket for some pasta and a full frontal lobotomy."

Patient: "Doctor I received this injury while drinking last night."
Doctor: "That seems to be an unidentified drinking injury. The only known cure is a full frontal lobotomy."

Jimmy's Mum: "Jimmy, you've hardly said a word since your lobotomy."
Jimmy: "Mhhwuahhg."
by Jamie Douglas November 23, 2006
mugGet the full frontal lobotomymug.

po faced

Someone who is priggish, narrow-minded, disapproving or humourless.
Margret Thatcher, your old headmaster, traffic wardens, nightclub doormen and the Pope are all po faced
by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006
mugGet the po facedmug.

chocolate frog

"Have you seen snakes on a plane? It stars Hollywoods hardest working chocolate frog!"
by Jamie Douglas September 9, 2006
mugGet the chocolate frogmug.

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