Jamie Douglas's definitions

Wisden

The cricketing bible.

Wisden is something useful to keep by your shitter for those long visits.

Quick, let's all run down the shop and get this years Wisden!

I'm off to the can for a nice long dump, let me grab my Wisden!

by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006

margarine legs

n. Slapper

"Cheap and easily spread."

Scott: "Hey Phil, have you seen the new girl Tracy?"
Phil: "Yeah Scott, but I hear she's got real margarine legs!"

by Jamie Douglas September 30, 2006

friday @ 5

A time of week, originating from mathematicians in the northern town of Sheffield, when all pens must be dropped, all PC's powered down and the weekend must kick in.

friday @ 5 must be accompanied by beer drinking, music playing, bar snack munching and general chat about anything but work.

Acceptable topics of conversation include movies, art, sport, music, politics, travel, family, science, literature, food & drink, etc..

It's friday @ 5, what a thrill! Beer and chat, hooray!

by Jamie Douglas February 24, 2007

po faced

Someone who is priggish, narrow-minded, disapproving or humourless.

Margret Thatcher, your old headmaster, traffic wardens, nightclub doormen and the Pope are all po faced

by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006

running like a Kenyan on speed

Golfing term. When you've totally topped the ball, but it squirts along the ground and goes a bloody mile because of how hard you hit it, your ball is 'running like a Kenyan on speed'.

This derives from the fact that Kenya has a long history of some of the best long distance runners in the world, and the effect that the drug speed has on people.

"You jammy sod, that ball's running like a Kenyan on speed!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

arseclart

The ultimate put down. Someone who has all the redeeming features of a rhinos rear end. Derived from a combination of the phrases arse (meaning backside) and clart (meaning a person).

Bill: "I can't make it to the pub tonight"
Karl: "Oh, you arseclart!"

"Oh no, that arseclart just threw up in a taxi! What a mess!"

Famous arseclarts include George W Bush, David Cameron and Dido.

by Jamie Douglas March 7, 2007

vampire slayer

1. A bloke who racks up a number of notches on his bedpost by picking up rough looking birds in nightclubs on student nights. (Vampire because he preys on girls out at night, slayer because he 'slays' them with his mighty weapon).

2. Someone who kills vampires.

Eddy: "Cor blimey, Dan brought another girl home from the student night!"
James: "I know, he's a real vampire slayer!"

James Woods, Kristy Swanson and Van Helsing all killed vampires, making them vampire slayers

by Jamie Douglas January 21, 2007