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Jamie Douglas's definitions

Wisden

The cricketing bible.

Wisden is something useful to keep by your shitter for those long visits.
Quick, let's all run down the shop and get this years Wisden!

I'm off to the can for a nice long dump, let me grab my Wisden!
by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006
mugGet the Wisdenmug.

chocolate frog

"Have you seen snakes on a plane? It stars Hollywoods hardest working chocolate frog!"
by Jamie Douglas September 9, 2006
mugGet the chocolate frogmug.

cattle market

A nightclub frequented by women of low standard who are out to show off there wares in the hope of a sly grope or of making out. These women are normally over 40 or under 18, and most would be mistaken for hookers if they were seen in natural light.

A cattle market is the sort of place that male first year undergraduate students at university go all the time in an effort to get their end away, but this invariably results in the guilty boys leaving the venue with an itch.

The term derives because the women in these clubs are essentially showing themselves off in the hope of being taken home, just as cattle are shown off at cattle markets in the hope of being sold.
Bill: "Let's go down Icon and Diva!"
Pete: "We can't go there, it's a right cattle market!"

"Ooh, I was in Creation last night and pulled this slapper - now I have an itch! Serves me right for visiting such a cattle market!"

"Let's go down to Gatecrasher - I hear it's a real cattle market down there!"
by Jamie Douglas January 6, 2007
mugGet the cattle marketmug.

renaissance man

An individual talented in all spheres of human endeavour, including but not limited to sports, art, science, war, philosophy and music.

Some renaissance men of great repute include Leonardo Da Vinci and Goethe.

If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it is not enough that they have brilliant minds (hence Einstein is out), nor is it enough that they are fine sportsmen (hence no Carl Lewis) or are well hung and virile (so no Shergar) and nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted (so we omit Beethoven). It is a requirement that they are talented in ALL these areas.

I myself am a renaissance man, as I am a fine athelete, an excellent scholar, have an ear for music a talent for art and a way with the ladies.
#1: "What talent that young Douglas lad has!"
#2: "True, he is gifted at sports, academia and the arts."
#1: "Yes, he's a true renaissance man!"

Man: "Hey baby, wanna get a drink - I'm a real renaissance man!"
Woman: "Ooooh, OK!"
by Jamie Douglas December 1, 2006
mugGet the renaissance manmug.

rubbish head

The most offensive insult in the world.

Especially if you are four.

It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
"That winger missed a sitter, what a rubbish head"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
mugGet the rubbish headmug.

military golf

Means you're going: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right ...

Another excellent golfing put down.
"Into the trees again boyo, I didn't realise we were playing military golf"
by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
mugGet the military golfmug.

weather

Weather is the thing that makes blighty so unbearable. In blighty weather is terrible all the time, so much so that many people choose to move abroad or simply jump into the ocean and try to swim to another country. The general weather pattern acorss the United Kingdom is rain, rain, rain. Then a cold front. Then rain, rain, rain. Then freezing winds and snow. Then rain, rain, rain. The Roman Emperor Caeser once abandoned his quest to rule Britain because of the weather, and during the second world war the Luftwaffe were defeated in the Battle of Britain because the steel that made their aeroplanes rusted within minutes of coming into contact with British weather.
Tim: "How's the weather?"
Jerry: "You know, sunny!"
by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006
mugGet the weathermug.

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