Definitions by Jamie Douglas
military golf
military golf by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
elephant golf
Golfing game. When a man fails to drive the ladies tee-box it is customary to force him to turn his trouser/shorts pockets inside out, unzip his fly, and walk the length of the hole with his johnson out, thus making an elephants image around his crotch.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
"Ooops, failed to make the ladies tee again, you know what that means - elephant golf!"
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
elephant golf by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
rubbish head
The most offensive insult in the world.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
rubbish head by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
sister shot
Golfing term. Means "it's up there, but you're not proud".
When one hits a total duffer, but it trickles along the ground and onto the green, one has hit a sister shot.
When one hits a total duffer, but it trickles along the ground and onto the green, one has hit a sister shot.
sister shot by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
running like a Kenyan on speed
Golfing term. When you've totally topped the ball, but it squirts along the ground and goes a bloody mile because of how hard you hit it, your ball is 'running like a Kenyan on speed'.
This derives from the fact that Kenya has a long history of some of the best long distance runners in the world, and the effect that the drug speed has on people.
This derives from the fact that Kenya has a long history of some of the best long distance runners in the world, and the effect that the drug speed has on people.
running like a Kenyan on speed by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
xbox tan
A really, really, really, really pasty white skin tone. When someone gets an xbox they invariably spend too much time indoors playing it, and the lack of sunlight they recieve results in a lack of melanin in the skin, turning them albino white.
Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
xbox tan by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
cry baby
Contrary to the actual words used, a cry baby neither cries nor is an infant, but is a fully grown adult who whines too much and should know better.
A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.
The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.
The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
Tubs: "Can you believe it, there's no haddock left down the chippy!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
cry baby by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006