Jamie Douglas's definitions

rubbish head

The most offensive insult in the world.

Especially if you are four.

It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.

"That winger missed a sitter, what a rubbish head"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

sister shot

Golfing term. Means "it's up there, but you're not proud".

When one hits a total duffer, but it trickles along the ground and onto the green, one has hit a sister shot.

"Wow, that sister shot has set you up for par!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

saw that coming like a fat man round the corner

Blatently obvious. If a fat person tries to sneak round a corner they will be seen, as their belly will protrude first and give them away. Hence if something can be seen a mile off, or is really obvious, it can be 'seen coming like a fat man round the corner'

Phil: 'Hey, did you hear Janice was fired?'
Butch: 'Yeah, I saw that coming like a fat man round the corner!"

by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006

military golf

Means you're going: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right ...

Another excellent golfing put down.

"Into the trees again boyo, I didn't realise we were playing military golf"

by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006

varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.

Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

pannces

Alternate spelling of the word pants amongst the literati.

C'mon Jeeves, let's go down the public lavatories and writes cursewords on the wall like "pannces"

by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006

weather

Weather is the thing that makes blighty so unbearable. In blighty weather is terrible all the time, so much so that many people choose to move abroad or simply jump into the ocean and try to swim to another country. The general weather pattern acorss the United Kingdom is rain, rain, rain. Then a cold front. Then rain, rain, rain. Then freezing winds and snow. Then rain, rain, rain. The Roman Emperor Caeser once abandoned his quest to rule Britain because of the weather, and during the second world war the Luftwaffe were defeated in the Battle of Britain because the steel that made their aeroplanes rusted within minutes of coming into contact with British weather.

Tim: "How's the weather?"
Jerry: "You know, sunny!"

by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006