Hifalutin!'s definitions
Jumped out of the Town Car and tripped onto the red carpet, bulbs flashing, "Leo! Leo!"--sheeeit, forgot my mask! I'll look like a tool in Star. Third time today. All that primo Jack Herer weed doesn't help.
"We need snow bomb provisions," Tron nagged me. But I had to drive home without the requested t.p., soy milk, Heineken Zero or Gerber peas, and got seriously spanked. Sheeeit, forgot my mask! Again!
"We need snow bomb provisions," Tron nagged me. But I had to drive home without the requested t.p., soy milk, Heineken Zero or Gerber peas, and got seriously spanked. Sheeeit, forgot my mask! Again!
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the Sheeeit, forgot my mask!mug. “Shoot, they’re out of stock,” Desiree told Prima as the pals cruised aisle 8 in CVS. “They told me the Hollywood Breast Lift Tape would be in today!”
Prima offered what comfort she could. “Desiree, Lawson will jump your bones regardless of flop sweat. You don’t need to climb Mount Titerest. Remember how it used to be when you were first hooking up.”
“Right,” Desiree countered smugly, “He loved my big mama foomfy teats.”
“Nipple rouge is a thing, isn’t it?” teenager Sally shyly asked Mother Goose, pulling her away from the other kids at St. Catherine’s Center for Youth. “’Cause Jayden and I have a date for the walk-in later and I just feel… too pale.”
“No worries, hon, we don’t have to scale Mount Titerest,” said Mother Goose. She prided herself on her ability to “relate.” “I have some frozen raspberries I’ve been saving for the right moment. You’ll taste good, too!”
Prima offered what comfort she could. “Desiree, Lawson will jump your bones regardless of flop sweat. You don’t need to climb Mount Titerest. Remember how it used to be when you were first hooking up.”
“Right,” Desiree countered smugly, “He loved my big mama foomfy teats.”
“Nipple rouge is a thing, isn’t it?” teenager Sally shyly asked Mother Goose, pulling her away from the other kids at St. Catherine’s Center for Youth. “’Cause Jayden and I have a date for the walk-in later and I just feel… too pale.”
“No worries, hon, we don’t have to scale Mount Titerest,” said Mother Goose. She prided herself on her ability to “relate.” “I have some frozen raspberries I’ve been saving for the right moment. You’ll taste good, too!”
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the Mount Titerestmug. “I actually prefer the spindrone,” Nur confessed to Azalea, wiping the sweat from their brow then sanitizing their glutes. “I have less to answer for when I can’t manage the tap back.”
“Right,” said Azalea, who wasn’t sure she agreed. “And the spindrone doesn’t mind if you switch off Find U Again for Bennie and the Jets?”
“Mr. Garcia,” pipes in the peon from the Club’s front desk. “There’s a new spindrone here to see you about the MWF noon slot. I offered it water but it said hydration would be unnecessary.
“Good!” chortles the club manager, unknotting the noose he had only just constructed for himself out of locker room towels, “Finally an instructor who’s not a drama queen.”
“Right,” said Azalea, who wasn’t sure she agreed. “And the spindrone doesn’t mind if you switch off Find U Again for Bennie and the Jets?”
“Mr. Garcia,” pipes in the peon from the Club’s front desk. “There’s a new spindrone here to see you about the MWF noon slot. I offered it water but it said hydration would be unnecessary.
“Good!” chortles the club manager, unknotting the noose he had only just constructed for himself out of locker room towels, “Finally an instructor who’s not a drama queen.”
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the Spindronemug. “Dude, don’t go to the Van Gogh Sensurround for your birthday,” said know-it-all Mei-Mei, “it’s only awesome-ish. Hit Little Island instead, that’s way trippier.”
Knut the aspiring model checks his look in the mirror – even with new cheekbones, just awesome-ish, he thinks sadly. Next, the lip plump.
Knut the aspiring model checks his look in the mirror – even with new cheekbones, just awesome-ish, he thinks sadly. Next, the lip plump.
by Hifalutin! February 4, 2022
Get the Awesome-ishmug. “Someday,” web consultant/rip off artist Ernesto promises, “FabuousPalmSpringsFollies.com will wind up winning SEO eyeballs, it’s just a matter of clickwait.”
“Sure,” says Polly, at 95 the oldest in the bunch, “and all us golden hoofers will be doing the can can in our graves.”
“You see,” Marigold explains to numb-nut Fred, ”It's definite. Fiverr is bound to bring clients in to Marigold and Fred’s TruthWashing Service.”
“I understand,” Fred mopes, sensing poverty ahead. “Just don’t know if I can stand the clickwait.”
“Sure,” says Polly, at 95 the oldest in the bunch, “and all us golden hoofers will be doing the can can in our graves.”
“You see,” Marigold explains to numb-nut Fred, ”It's definite. Fiverr is bound to bring clients in to Marigold and Fred’s TruthWashing Service.”
“I understand,” Fred mopes, sensing poverty ahead. “Just don’t know if I can stand the clickwait.”
by Hifalutin! February 10, 2022
Get the Clickwaitmug. “I look into his eyes and see vast oceans,” says Panda. “It’s like an amazing, endless stomach ache. I can’t sleep. It is truly The Sauce.”
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
by Hifalutin! March 9, 2022
Get the The Saucemug. “Wow,” Panda says, glued to the ice dancing in Beijing. “Digging the crotchspin.”
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
by Hifalutin! February 7, 2022
Get the Crotchspinmug.