Nosy neighbor who keeps an eye out for pirates on your porch.
Porch cop said she was bringing over homemade chocolate chippers, but she really wanted to get a look at our entry way.

GoPuff never sucks,” glowed Brian. “As soon as Irene the porch cop sees the delivery guy drive up, she gives us a jingle to let us know the booze is here.”
by Hifalutin! January 31, 2022
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