Gnostic1's definitions

Athabasca

place. Placid rill-forming community on the edge of the Athabasca river in nothern Alberta. Chosen as a settlement site by the Hudson Bay Company in 1987 because of the ease with which sandstone boulders could be wrestled from the banks to anchor white-fish nets.

Home of the Weasel Scars lacrosse team, three-time NLL champs, and headquarters of the Canadian Portage Company.

Windshield-repair shops and piles of loose gravel crowd the edges of Klein Street, a dinosaur tomb attracts tourism dollars, and french lessons are available from the nubile lasses in the winter months.

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The canoe feels a bit unsteady. Hop out and see if a side-paddle fell off.

I think that was just the rill as we went through Athabasca.

by gnostic1 August 6, 2012

roam ants movie

n. chick flick so awful, so totally full of Jennifer Anniston, that you wish a horde of army ants would gnaw off your leg to keep you awake and add some excitement to the evening.

Dude! How was your date last night?

Absolutely dreadful. We viewed, and here I'm totally going to pause for effect, a roam ants movie!

Did you at least get your bleeding stump licked?

by gnostic1 December 31, 2010

drafting

v. 1) reducing wind resistance by tucking in behind a moving object while riding a skateboard, bike, racecar, hospital stretcher etc.

2) a sexual act.

Dude! You should have been with me yesterday! I totally saw that Penelope chick drafting a bus.

Really? I'm actually kind of glad I missed that.

by gnostic1 August 21, 2011

beckon

v. calculate without using actual statistics, facts, or reasoning; act in a Glen Beck-esque manner.

Check out the way Sarah Palin is beckoning in her speeches. I beckon she'll be president soon!

I beckon most NFL fans are overweight cheese doodlers.

by gnostic1 May 10, 2011

corn brooming

v. keeping the path of one's friend or boss clear of obstacles. Originally used in ice curling to indicate the action of sweeping gravel, beer bottles and other debris off the action lane where the hammer rock is flung by the harrier.

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This is my birthday party so when we get to this club I am expecting to get a lot of corn brooming from you ladies.

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Hey. Could I get a little corn brooming here? This is only an important presentation.

by gnostic1 November 6, 2011

olympics

n. Loose assemblage of activities undertaken quadrennially by over-ripped folk with an odd view of life and difficulty prioritising. Small trinkets on coloured ribbons and needlessly ostentatious flower arrangements are commonly given to several of the better entrants as stirring tunes play. Flags and advertising signage tend to be prominently displayed and portly men in suits shuffle about needlessly.

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I couldn't sleep yesterday so I flicked on the olympics and caught some women's arm wrestling; it looked like the 85kg class. I think a Bulgarian won. Then there was rhythmic gymnastics. I swear to God. Rhythmic gymnastics.

by gnostic1 July 22, 2012

hammer throw

n. Perhaps the most arcane and archaic field event still contested at the Olympics and only marginally less silly than tug o'war or tossing the caber as a competition for grown ups. Strong lobbying by Canada and Scotland, who use hammer throwing in their cross-training for tossing granite rocks in ice-curling, keeps the sport from going the way of the Dodo and the standing fish-slap.

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Do you think folks would watch the hammer throw if we made the competitors stand in deep sand and wear skimpy bathing suits?

No.

by gnostic1 August 8, 2012