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FunkyBumpkin's definitions

Democrat

of the 2 major political parties in America, this party or its politicians have a variety of bullshit, that although at times distressing, is often mixed with initiatives that actually prove helpful to people based on what appears to be a genuine concern for the citizenry. Democrat's bullshit is unique for being generally non-virulent to humanity at large and is thus tolerable in comparison to the bullshit of any other group which has historically wielded a similar level of political influence. The bullshit of Democrats is thus regrettable but rarely if ever dangerous. This is exceptionally noteworthy, as the necessary evil of politics by its very nature draws out humanity's most vulgar, deceitful, hycpocritical, duplicitous, oppressive, sanctimonious, arrogant, and self-serving interests and personalities. Luckily in America, these unsavory qualities have concentrated themselves to a truly extraordinary level in the Republican party, so that one who wishes to avoid these virulent and intolerable forms of bullshit can easily do so by supporting Democrats or any viable 3rd party (OK, OK... that little joke about 3rd parties was just to see if you're still reading), and vigilantly opposing Republicans and/or documenting the afforementioned evils inherent in any political system (I know that last part is redundant, since Republicans are themselves typically the evils in the system).
Democrat bullshit: One man gets a blow-job from a 21 year old woman. He doesn't admit it until the imminent potential for DNA evidence to back up the woman's story embarrasses him enough to confess.

Republican bullshit: Far too vile and lengthy a list to go into, but perhaps its most dangerous and virulent outbreaks in recent memory include submitting forged documents to the entire world in order to bolster a "rally to unnecessary war in Iraq" campaign based on blind ideology, a series of deliberate deceptions, and the unethical intimidation of professional intelligence officers, rather than on pragmatic realities. This served to destroy America's credibility and drastically weaken the War on Terror. Worst of all, it has so far resulted in the deaths of at least 1600 American troops, many thousands more American troops severely maimed and scarred for life, as well as 10's of 1000's of ordinary Iraqis whose "liberation" from their brutal dictator came in the form of death by American armaments for no good reason, and at a price tag of well over $300 BILLION dollars, with no end in sight! (incidentally, less than 3% of that total could completely update America's schools for the 21st century, a modest portion could have funded all the research we need to make alternative energy commercially viable so we can be truly independent and tell the Islamic wackos to shove their oil up their ass, and still have a boatload of cash left over for whatever you want to do with it - pay down the deficit, invest in Social Security, or anything else!!)
by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
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alpha-male

1) the dominant member of a pack of wolves.
2) any person with a dominating personality, causing the assertion of or struggle for leadership in almost any situation.
While Dubya was busily pretending to be an alpha-male whilst getting coked up and going AWOL from his Air National Guard unit during Vietnam, John Kerry was matter-of-factly leading his swiftboat successfully through enemy fire in true alpha-male form.
by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
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dead elves

Referrring to a group of people that is no fun by virtue of acting like puritans, boy scouts, or for their failure to participate. Since the word "lame" has itself been very lame for quite some time, this new term has stepped in to fill that need.
"So did John & Lisa make it out to the club last night?"
"No! Those f*cking dead elves!"
by FunkyBumpkin April 28, 2005
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baked potato

A couch potato who is also extremely stoned. (see also baked)
Dude, let's go get something to eat!You've been just staring at the TV all night with that bong in your hand, you baked potato!
by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
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