Fearman's definitions

like a crystal cow in knackerland

Used of something or someone unsuited to a given environment, placed there hopefully for well-intended reasons but left defenceless. From a decision by the relevant authorities in Dublin, Ireland in recent years to mount life-size statues of cows in various media and colours in outdoor locations throughout the centre of the city. The cows were soon vandalised, including one dainty little critter with an elaborate design of cut glass that was left, as you do, in one of the less salubrious areas of the city centre and promptly smashed.

She left little Johnny off at school to face the roughest class in the place, like a crystal cow in knackerland.

by Fearman February 10, 2008

Bard Brain

An aficionado of the works of William Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon, England, 1564-1616. Self-explanatory, not meant to denigrate.

Bard brains everywhere will appreciate the local production of Hamlet, from December 16th at the Town Hall.

by Fearman August 7, 2007

Karl Marx

Chap who lived back in the nineteenth century. Grew a big beard, in which he invested quite a lot. Had a good head for mathematics and wrote a lot about property and political evolution. A bit boring, not always on the money, and misunderstood by airheads and meatheads, as dead white males usually are. He overestimated both human generosity and the idea of membership of the working class as a badge of pride. Someone recently posted that he taught that the lazy should be allowed leech off the hard-working. This actually is a pretty good picture of present-day America, where the lazy keep getting away with it because the hard-working keep voting for them.

Karl Marx. A bit esoteric, but a middling good read if you like to stretch yourself.

by Fearman November 18, 2007

diamonds on the soles of their shoes

Absolutely filthy rich. From the Paul Simon song title from Graceland (1986).

Look at those nouveaux-riches types at the boarding school on sports day. They want everyone to know they have diamonds on the soles of their shoes.

by Fearman August 7, 2007

Hell

1. Town in Nebraska slightly to the west of Heck but east of Motherfuckingcrapdagger.

2. A place they send you when you die for posting those adverts for religions or religiously connected material on the right of an Urbandictionary page. Yes, this includes Scientology.

3. Accurate description of the surface of the planet Venus, although on Venus there aren't that many guys in kinky suits with pitchforks.

4. The most terrible place most people can imagine. Like a boarding school on Sunday, only funnier.

5. A place you invoke after you discover that the bottle of absinthe that cost you over a hundred Euro shattered in transit.

6. Rumoured to be the subtitle of the latest version of Microsoft Word.

7. Place where you go, according to Gary Larson, to play the accordion for eternity.

8. A place where there are fires everywhere but it's dark. It's either very very hot or very very cold. You burn up ... forever. If there was any possibility of it being real it wouldn't have to be portrayed as anywhere near as nasty.

We're in Hell, and the good news is the population is only 301.

Now that line on Hell oughta stop them ... I wish.

Venus is Hell, Earth is Heaven.

I thought I was back in boarding school on a Sunday, but it turns out I'm only in Hell. That's a relief.

Hell! My best absinthe!

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by Fearman April 23, 2008

quick quacketty

An expression of revulsion at the readiness of some people to support pseudo-medicines like homeopathy or ayurvedic therapy, or pseudoscience generally.

She spent four hundred quid on vials of sugar water last weekend? Aww, quick quacketty!

by Fearman September 27, 2007

Humpty Dumpty word

Word used to mean whatever the speaker wants it to mean at the time, usually without further elucidation. From the character of Humpty Dumpty in Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson).

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.' ...
- Through the Looking Glass

Here come the right-wingers to this referendum. Expect to hear a lot about natural laws, family values and other Humpty Dumpty words.

by Fearman December 23, 2007