fire helmet

When your GF accidentally grabs a tube of Ben Gay instead of massage oil while giving a hand job, thus causing your purple dick helmet to burn intensely.

Stupid bitch gave me a fire helmet last night. She needs to learn how to read.

by El conquistador January 17, 2014

West Virginia flap jack

Slapping the foreskin of your flaccid penis against your boyfriend's lips.

The West Virginia flap jack Brian got was just an appetizer for the gay feast that followed.

by El Conquistador July 15, 2017

Hawaiian milkshake

The product of drinking large amounts of pineapple juice to make ones ejaculate taste sweeter.

Hawaiian milkshakes are a low fat treat that my GF can enjoy anytime.

by El Conquistador March 18, 2017

Angry Pterodactyl

Performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, at the same time, flapping your arms like an Angry Pterodactyl taking off from a rocky ledge.

Angry Pterodactyl; a nursery rhyme.
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two

Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block

by El Conquistador May 04, 2021

solar rim job

Exposing your bare ass hole to direct sun light to extract energy for body and soul.

Having worked underground for many years, Chad was keenly aware of the need for sun light to live a healthy life. Chad tried spending more time outdoors and even shaved his head in an attempt to absorb more rays. Turns out the solution was right behind him the whole time. He decided to lay down in his front yard, completely naked, pull his knees back to his ears and aim his shit socket directly at the sun. Chad’s bung pulled in rays like a satellite dish. After only 30 seconds he had more energy than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck. Chad’s discovery, the “solar rim job” if you will, could just be the free energy solution the world has been waiting for.

by El Conquistador July 02, 2023

Man on the Moon

When having sex with a chick and you are doing her from behind, right before you "finish", you take a flag with your name on it and stick it into her ass hole and as you finish you yell out "I'm the man on the moon!".

Guy1: "Last night I conquered new territory, I took that fine ass home and planted my flag!"
Guy2: "Dayam man! You pulled a man on the moon on her ass!"

by El Conquistador November 08, 2004

stroke ninja

A super stealthy sex servant that can spank a swollen stiffy for a sticky semen surprise, whack a whiskered Willy wonderfully with one hand, just jerk a johnson so gingerly, five finger a fat fuck stick forever, bare hand a beefy BBC and beat a bulky boner black and blue.

Japanese folklore, written on the walls of the finest oriental massage parlors, tells of the legendary stroke ninja. Although known far and wide as the stroke ninja, the locals simply called her キャンディス. With cat like reflexes, nimble fingers and a grip like the deadly venus fly trap, many a man has succumb to her relentless grasp. The few that survived gather, on occasion, to reminisce about the best rub-n-tug of a lifetime.

by El Conquistador July 06, 2021