by El Conquistador March 18, 2017
An elderly woman with no teeth giving a blow job. Possibly the closest to heaven any living man is likely to get.
by El conquistador January 17, 2014
Going down on a cock while using one or both hands in a twisting motion to enhance pleasure and maximize jizz production.
Thank you for purchasing your new gas powered gawk gawk. Follow the instructions in the quick start guide to begin using your new gas powered gawk gawk. With proper care and maintenance, your new gas powered gawk gawk will provide you years of trouble free service.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
by El Conquistador May 09, 2022
by El Conquistador July 11, 2017
You have not had a real BBQ experience until you have tried a Kansas City hot pocket. Burns so good!
by El Conquistador July 12, 2017
The act of jerking an uncircumcised cock to completion, but holding the load in the foreskin by pinching it shut. Then blowing up the foreskin like a balloon. When quickly released, the resulting explosion delivers the mother of all facials.
Justin and his boyfriend were having a wonderful evening of watching Ryan Gosling movies and licking popcorn butter off each other’s nipples, when things started to get a little frisky. They started with the usual dick slapping, then moved on to a rousing game of “will it fit”. ( Spoiler alert, it always does). Justin finally had an idea to try something new he had heard about in his gay pride chat group. After some cajoling, his boyfriend was definitely down to clown.
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
by El Conquistador January 11, 2025
A super stealthy sex servant that can spank a swollen stiffy for a sticky semen surprise, whack a whiskered Willy wonderfully with one hand, just jerk a johnson so gingerly, five finger a fat fuck stick forever, bare hand a beefy BBC and beat a bulky boner black and blue.
Japanese folklore, written on the walls of the finest oriental massage parlors, tells of the legendary stroke ninja. Although known far and wide as the stroke ninja, the locals simply called her キャンディス. With cat like reflexes, nimble fingers and a grip like the deadly venus fly trap, many a man has succumb to her relentless grasp. The few that survived gather, on occasion, to reminisce about the best rub-n-tug of a lifetime.
by El Conquistador July 06, 2021