Definitions by Dunky Oggins

knocking shop 

A brothel.

Kevin was very shocked to see several police cars pull up outside Alec's house. "I guess he's been seen interfering with his gnomes again" Kevin surmised.
"Nah" replied John, "The pigs were tipped off that he's been running a knocking shop."

knocking shop by Dunky Oggins December 30, 2003

crapper dick 

A policeman who hangs around public lavatories in order to entrap gay men having sex.

"That poor Greek pop star, set up by that nasty crapper dick, it just ain't right, there ought to be a bloody law against it," seethed an irate Mr Tebbit.

crapper dick by Dunky Oggins December 30, 2003

Christmas crackers 

The testicles (from rhyming slang, Christmas crackers = knackers).

Kevin was very excited: Britney had just asked him to show her his Christmas crackers. Two minutes, and a slap round the face later, he was so disappointed when he realised the pop-babe had no knowledge of British rhyming slang!
Contributor's footnote: A merry Christmas to one and all.

Christmas crackers by Dunky Oggins December 25, 2003

black-'n'-deckering 

Drilling a hole between cubicles in a public lavatory in order to spy on one's neighbour.

Kevin was too frightened to go for an Irish shave at the snooker club after he heard Keith had recently been questioned by the police on suspicion of black-'n'-deckering.

black-'n'-deckering by Dunky Oggins December 23, 2003

paisley removal 

The male habit of trying to remove specks of faeces from the toilet bowl by using one's stream of urine.

I'm not saying the toilets at the snooker club are dirty, but i must have spent at least half an hour on paisley removal there the other night.

paisley removal by Dunky Oggins December 23, 2003

docker's omelette 

a lump of phlegm.

"What's for dinner today?" asked Saddam.
"Just a docker's omelette until you tell us where you have hidden those WMDs" replied his CIA interrogator malevolently.

docker's omelette by Dunky Oggins December 23, 2003

jelly jewellery 

Ejaculated semen that covers the face and neck of one's partner.

"What shall i wear for the banquet tonight?" asked Elizabeth.
"How about one's jelly jewellery" replied Phillip, whipping out his bacon bazooka in a trice.

jelly jewellery by Dunky Oggins December 23, 2003