Douglas Young's definitions

alpha male

1. The (male) leader of a pack, usually earned his place through instilling fear in others. The pack is usually smarter than the alpha male, but is more afraid to have him as an enemy than a friend. Through evolution, however, the original alpha male behavior is becoming different; what was once fear of the leader himself, has now become fear of whatever the alpha male considers a threat to him. Despite the rank or power the alpha male may achieve through his methods in society, it is still a primitive role to have, due to the selfish nature of his life. Rest assured, if the pack ever had the chance, they would probably remove his role from their society without hesitation.

2. The dudes that pick who they want on their shitty teams in gym class. Arch nemesis of the nerd-people.

1. President Bush is an alpha male, if you know what I mean.
2. Greg, the alpha male, picked Scott for his dodgeball team; everyone thinks it's because Scott is well-built, but really Greg is just a closet homosexual and will jerk off to a picture he has of Scott when he gets home. He will then watch Sex in the City and drink cranberry juice.

by Douglas Young October 6, 2007

:DGC

A smiley of a guy fapping. The colon is his mouth, the capital letter D is his giant grin, the G is his two arms, with the right one bent around to grab his penis, which is represented by the squared off inner part of the G, and finally the C are his curvy yet stable legs, which support his fapping.

So you see children, :DGC makes an excellent picture of a man fapping, please bring your homework next class, and remember that :'(GC is what kids look like when they have fapped to a zebra and have realized a horrible truth about themselves.

by Douglas Young October 12, 2008

proddy

Someone who always has to be prodded to hang out, and never initiates the act of inviting others to hang out with them.

Guy 1: Hey, can I ask you something?
Guy 2: Sure.
Guy 1: Why are you such a proddy?
Guy 2: A what?
Guy 1: Why do I have to ask you to hang out all the time, why don't you ask me ever?
Guy 2: Gee... I dunno, I never thought about it.
Guy 1: Do you LIKE hanging out with me?
Guy 2: Yeah! Of course!

by Douglas Young September 22, 2007

basement talker

An individual who is so bad and awkward at conversing that the only logical explanation is that their mind is focused on the fresh dead bodies they've got in their basement. They're thinking about:
- How many they've got
- If anyone knows
- If you know
- If you'd be a good addition to it
- About how much jail time they'd be sentenced to if they were ever caught

Greg: So you cut down trees? Ever have any accidents?
Basement Talker: Yes, many.
(Awkward pause)
Greg's Mind: (Shit, a basement talker. I'd better leave this conversation)
Greg: I have to, um, leave.
Basement Talker: Yes. Leave.

by Douglas Young February 8, 2008

tmz

A celebrity news source comprised of achingly annoying paparazzi and are completely oblivious to how pathetic and boring their news is. They will disturb a celebrity so much to simply get an aggravated reaction to report on. The organization on the whole is like a car crash-- you can't look away (at least for a minute) because of how stupid they are, which is why they're still around.

(Real Example)
TMZ Reporter 1: Johnny Knoxville was at LAX with a stuffed panda bear.
TMZ Reporter 2: What was he doing with a stuffed panda bear?
TMZ Reporter 1: I dunno.
TMZ Reporter 2: THOSE CRAZY CELEBS. PRINT IT!

by Douglas Young January 13, 2008

chiers

A business in Portland/Stumptown, Oregon that goes around the city apprehending drunks. The drunks are then driven back to Chiers HQ (Aka: Hoopers/Hoppers), temporarily relieved of their possessions, thrown into cells, and kept there until they sober up-- at which point they're given their things back and a free bowl of soup. They will not devote any information to anyone (ever) outside their building, so if you get picked up for being too drunk and wake up the next morning, be sure to call your loved ones when you leave 'cause they're probably worried sick.

Chiers has an 8 o'clock line-up of homeless people waiting for the free soup handed out in the morning.

by Douglas Young October 7, 2007

derpestrian

A stupid pedestrian.
- Hits the Walk Signal more than once.
- Crosses without a crosswalk at heavy traffic, usually stranding himself on an "island" for many minutes.
- Has not mastered the art of jaywalking.
- Crosses in front of a car who finally gets a break in the traffic he's been wanting to merge with.
Term can be thought of as DERR-pestrian or fake-German like "der pest-rian."

Motherfuckin derpestrian!! Crossin' however you please just 'cause you know you could sue me if I hit you. Bitch.

by Douglas Young November 13, 2007