When you can shit through a tennis racket and not hit the strings.
Don't go in the bathroom, I just let down some serious beer shits.
When your so fat that people cant help but stare at you as if you are some rare piece of art.
I almost got into a freaking car accident while staring at some calorie gallery wearing spandex and a tube top.
A Mexican American's retirement plan. Typically non existent. A formal retirement plan is not necessary when you can just live with one of your 15 children once too old to support yourself.
HR: "Would you like to put any of your paycheck towards our 401-k?"
Dominic: "'401-k'? Nah puto. I'm already fully vested in my own '401-Que?'"
Guys dress code for a strip club, Halloween, or Las Vegas:
2. Wallet containing cash
Girls dress code for a strip club, Halloween, or Las Vegas:
2. short skirt (no panties)
3. Top showing excessive cleavage
Girls dress code when greater than 200lbs:
1. GIANT burlap sack.
2. Flower print Moo-Moo
Door Guy: "Excuse me Ma'am, but we have a policy at this club that does not permit chicks as hot as you to enter while wearing dress slacks, It is against our dress code. Please go home and either change into something slutty OR become 40 years older. Your fat friend my enter but only if she puts on a giant burlap sack to disguise her as a mountain of potatoes, we do not want to scare the other patrons. You may purchase a burlap sack from us for $15"
When you shit and your ass acts more like a pressure washer than a soft serve ice cream machine.
Ever time I eat taco bell I get a bad case of blaster ass!
1. Woman exhibiting symptoms resulting from repeated physical and emotional injury by her intoxicated spouse who drinks alcohol to excess habitually.
2. A womans red, puffy, and swollen vagina after a night of rough drunk sex. Also known as a "Puffy Taco"
Women and Seafood are both best when they have been beer battered.
A slut that does not look like a trashy skank.
Lets go to the bar and pick up a a couple of sloot doots.