Crispin Whattley's definitions

monkey tail

When one sits too far back on the toilet therefore leaving a small lick of poo on the back of the seat

I had to wipe off a monkey tail at the police headquarters yesterday morning

by Crispin Whattley September 13, 2005

wankered

To be drunk beyond the point of even drunken rationality, one actually believes that inducing more alcohol will make them feel better

I got totally wankered last night and threw up over my brown brogues

by Crispin Whattley September 13, 2005

peckerwood

A detrimental comment usually alikened to calling someone a penis. Used in a few rare films with great hilarity

Gerry you Peckerwood that's a crocodile not an alligator.

by Crispin Whattley September 13, 2005

quarter back position

Leaning so far off the toilet so as to require the use of one's arm as a supporting mechanism, usually on 2 fingers in a V shape as an american football player would, invariably leaving a snail trail on the inner front of the toilet

In order to avoid splash back from his deposit he adopted the quarter back position

by Crispin Whattley September 7, 2005

wangered

Being drunk to the point of surpassing any other term of being innebriated.

I was gonna sleep with Barry tonight but he was too wangered, he couldn't even get it up

by Crispin Whattley September 7, 2005

alabaster retard

What one may call someone who is particularly white and stupid for instance the moon when asked for directions - originated from BBC 3 comedy The Mighty Boosh

Ok i took a chance, how was i supposed to know he was an Alabaster Retard

by Crispin Whattley September 7, 2005