Col. Hans Landa's definitions

dischner syndrome

rapid, inexplicable widespread popularity followed by a long, protracted decline in social capital, terminating in universal disdain

A.: "Dude, what ever happened to Bob Applesworthy?"

B.: "Freshman year he was the shit around here. But I don't think he has any friends anymore."
A.: "Dischner syndrome."
B.: "Totally."

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013

three night rule

a sacred custom dictating that if someone is not a family member or an intimate friend, then one may only sleep in their house/apartment for three nights at most. Violating this is a high offense against one's honor. Go to a hotel.

Rather than spend a fourth night in Alex's San Francisco apartment, Bob took a train to San Jose and slept in a ditch. This way, he observed the three night rule and preserved his sacred honor.

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013

meta fog

when something is so self-referential (i.e., meta), that it looses all meaning because it is too confusing to follow. A good example is the movie Inception.

"Dude, so how about I am making a movie about how I am producing a film about how went to the theater to watch a movie about a group of people making a movie about the film industry?"

"I'm lost in a meta fog, bro. I think you need to simplify."

by Col. Hans Landa March 21, 2012

Phi Mu Delta

a kick-ass, small, national fraternity. Unlike the ridiculous douchebags who populate the usual frathouse, Phi Mu Delta advocates true fraternity, democracy, and service to the community. Its members are brothers in the truest sense of the word.

"Where you pledging, bro?"
"Phi Mu Delta, because I believe in brotherhood and kindness."

by Col. Hans Landa March 21, 2012

power high

n.; an elation, similar to a high, that is experienced when one finds oneself in a position of power. Usually this is because the person realizes that their arbitrary choice will have a profound effect on someone else, thus inflating their ego and sense of importance.

This phenomenon explains the arrogance of police officers, judges, congressmen, professors, and other powerful individuals.

Tom: "Dude, are you gonna ref the freshman basketball game this year?"
Joe: "You bet! I'll be getting such a power high!"

by Col. Hans Landa March 12, 2012

responsible

adj.; to be a in a state of having caused some action, usually either primarily or voluntarily. Almost always refers to the actions of human beings.

Hitler is responsible for the Holocaust.

The American people are responsible for electing their next president.

by Col. Hans Landa February 23, 2012

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011