Bottom Ford's definitions

Jello suicide

When you are trying to eat Jello in an impaired state and it jumps to its death somewhere below the dish.

“Did any of that Jello get into your mouth?”

“No, it was a Jello suicide.”

by Bottom Ford April 3, 2010

Driving While Gray

A rude and age-ist accusation made by young drivers against older drivers whose speed does not exceed the legal limit.

“Grandma Death’s doing five miles an hour. Oh wait, six now.”
“Clearly a case of driving while gray.”

by Bottom Ford April 6, 2010

Scotch-tape skies

A weather condition frequently seen in family photographs of a certain age, brought on by the ill-considered use of Scotch tape in scrapbooks and picture frames.

I found a photograph of Grandma sitting in her roadster under Scotch-tape skies.

by Bottom Ford January 2, 2010

micro hobby

A hobby you spend hardly any time on, but that you claim because you bought the gear.

Bottom says he’s taken up bodyboarding, but it’s just a vacation micro hobby.

by Bottom Ford September 29, 2010

hurled

“Hurled” is a fine substitute for any “world” prefixing something you don’t like.

That “world” music is really “hurled” music if you ask me.

by Bottom Ford March 1, 2010

The Bourne Redundancy

1. The title of Matt Damon’s new spy thriller.

2. May refer to any extraneous or inferior movie sequel.

“You seen that new Matt Damon flick?”

“The Bourne Redundancy? Derivative, man.”

by Bottom Ford March 14, 2010

extravirg

One of those annoying virgins who is super-friendly

Bottom went to his class reunion, which had been organized by an extravirg with nothing better to do.

by Bottom Ford March 4, 2010