Bottom Ford's definitions

mosquito tinnitus

A ringing in the ears that sounds like a hovering mosquito, brought on by the anticipation that mosquitoes WILL begin to torment you just as you are dozing off.

I spent half the night swatting mosquitoes that weren’t there. Guess it was just mosquito tinnitus.

by Bottom Ford August 21, 2010

mattress worship

Refers to the decision to stay in bed when you are too tired to get up and go to church.

“Bottom doesn’t go to church; he prefers mattress worship.”

by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010

Jello suicide

When you are trying to eat Jello in an impaired state and it jumps to its death somewhere below the dish.

“Did any of that Jello get into your mouth?”

“No, it was a Jello suicide.”

by Bottom Ford April 3, 2010

grabity

A natural force that causes one creature to grab or grope another.

Overcome by the force of grabity, Bottom sank his claws into the bunny’s flesh.

“I would not,” he explained to the bunny, “invade your personal space in this way, were it not for the force of grabity.”

by Bottom Ford April 19, 2010

Driving While Gray

A rude and age-ist accusation made by young drivers against older drivers whose speed does not exceed the legal limit.

“Grandma Death’s doing five miles an hour. Oh wait, six now.”
“Clearly a case of driving while gray.”

by Bottom Ford April 6, 2010

independently destitute

Describes an unemployed friend who always has time for fun. This friend has a taste for luxury, but no money.

What does Bottom do for a living?
Nothing, man. He’s independently destitute.

by Bottom Ford June 12, 2009

office chair ballet

A turning dance performed with the aid of office chairs. May be synchronized with people you work with that you like.

In office chair ballet I can do eleven pirouettes!

by Bottom Ford August 25, 2010