Definitions by Bottom Ford

business babble

Language used only in the business world, to add verisimilitude to an otherwise spurious argument.

Bottom’s contribution at the managers meeting was pure business babble: “Only if we focus on our core competencies can be hope to appear impactful to our competitors.”

business babble by Bottom Ford May 2, 2010

veggie del norte 

1. vegetables that have migrated so far north they have become frozen.
2. Any kind of frozen vegetable.

Bottom doesn’t have any fresh salad fixings, but he can serve veggie del norte anytime.

veggie del norte by Bottom Ford May 2, 2010

lingua fracas 

1. The few words one knows in another language sufficient to start a fight.

2. A fight over the proper use of a word.

1. Bottom doesn’t speak Spanish; he only knows enough of the lingua fracas to get into trouble.

2. “ ‘Impact’ is a verb only in the lingua fracas.”
“You mean, like, when my fist impacts your face?”

lingua fracas by Bottom Ford May 1, 2010

grabity 

A natural force that causes one creature to grab or grope another.

Overcome by the force of grabity, Bottom sank his claws into the bunny’s flesh.

“I would not,” he explained to the bunny, “invade your personal space in this way, were it not for the force of grabity.”

grabity by Bottom Ford April 19, 2010

mattress worship 

Refers to the decision to stay in bed when you are too tired to get up and go to church.

“Bottom doesn’t go to church; he prefers mattress worship.”

mattress worship by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010

stealth walker 

A shopping cart being pushed by someone in an impaired state who wishes to give the appearance of a thoughtful, considerate spouse.

“You push the stealth walker, honey. It will help you keep your balance while I load the groceries.”
“Thank you, my love. I feel like I’m going to fall over any minute.”

stealth walker by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010