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Definitions by Baller-Ass Nigga

Legal counsel in a court of sex. Coined by Homer Simpson in Miranda-based pre-sex talk with Marge.
"You have the right to remain sexy. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of sex. You have the right to the presence of a sextorney..."
-Homer Simpson
sextorney by Baller-Ass Nigga September 16, 2004

mushroom-shaped welt 

A mark left on someone's flesh resulting from being slapped by a penis. The impact of thebulbous glans penis and narrower shaft leaves a mark with a shape much like that of the fruiting body of a mushroom.
Your mother wasn't very careful with her teeth when she was sucking my wang, so I pulled my dong out of her mouth and beat her on the face with it, leaving several mushroom-shaped welts that developed into bruises that were clearly visible when she picked you up from school later that day.
A car stereo made by Alpine. Considered to be the highest-quality around by the same kinds of people who think watermellon and fried chicken is gourmet cuisine.
Then I let the Alpine play/
I was pumpin' new shit by NWA.
-Easy-E, "Boyz in the Hood"
alpine by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

lightsaber 

Weapon used by a civilization so advanced that it colonized space, but so primitive that it couldn't figure out that a small-calibre handgun works a million times better.

teenage mutant ninja turtles 

Heroes in a half-shell. Turtle power!
Cable television station originally devoted to showing music videos, hence the abbreviation for "Music Television." Over twenty years, it gradually phased out music except for a tiny bit of top-40 pop and rap, replacing videos with cartoons, game shows, reality shows, and other gen-x/y pseudo-hipster fare.
MTV by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

national review 

America's Premier Conservative Magazine, which Stands Athwart History, Shouting "Stop!"