Anonymous submissions's definitions

Einstein's theory of relative titty

The more closely related to you a female is, the larger her breasts have to be for you to be enticed to get all incestual with her. As it is generally frowned upon in most cultures to bome one's sister, said sister's breasts would need to be the size of basketballs in order to tempt one into doing so. However, a fourth cousin twice removed might have non-existent breasts, but one would have no qualms about shagging her, as the two parties share only a dash of genetic material (in her vagina).

'Dude, Einstein's theory of relative titty is definitely factual as no sooner had Mum had her double D boob job, then I was on top of her sending my penis back from whenst it came (her vagina). Then I came.'

by Anonymous submissions December 6, 2017

Charles Dickcunts

The visionary pornographic director behind such adult film classics as 'A tale of two clitties,' 'David Copafeel' and 'Great expecting Asians.'

'Dude, did you catch the new Charles Dickcunts porno on Pay-per-view last night? I haven't been that hard since I watched 'The Res-erection of Christ; this time Jesus does the nailing.'

by Anonymous submissions March 1, 2017

cuntverted

When a woman decides to abstain from sausage and become a vaginatarian, or when a homosexual male sees the light at the end of the tunnel (pun intended) and reverts to penetrating front bums.

'So I went muff diving on my friend Karen yesterday after the Madonna concert and I have to say, it was delightful; I'm cuntverted. Now the bullies can't call me 'Johnny Johnny fat gay twat' anymore, for as of today I am 'Johnny Johnny fat heterosexual twat with fabulous dress sense''

by Anonymous submissions March 9, 2017

fanalysis

The systematic appraisal of a fanny (gash) using a set of predefined, uniform measures including smell, taste, acidity, presence of pubic hair, labia size and level of resemblance to a badly wrapped kebab. One should also comment upon how eager one is to 'smash' it, given the opportunity. Synonymous with 'gashessment'

So I did a fanalysis on Ruth last night and she scored really well- bald as a badger from her clunge to her aintcha, and kebab was well packed, but had to mark her down on the smell as it had the aroma of a rotting salmon carcas. Would still smash the shit out of it again though given the chance, but I'm all out of rufies, so can't see it happening anytime soon

by Anonymous submissions October 4, 2016

Standard deviantAsian

A slant (pun intended) on the traditional statistical feature of standard deviation whereby the sexual deviance levels of an Asian male can be predicted by positive linear equation, as they are largely constant

'What is it about being a standard deviantAsian? Here I was minding my own business enjoying a spot of inoccuous Japanese porn in the work toilet cubicle on my lunch break when the whole thing inevitably descended into a bukkake fest. It was terribly off-putting. Those crazy Asians like filth nearly as much as they like rice and foot binding'

by Anonymous submissions December 30, 2016

Labia lady tonight

The original title for the Frank Sinatra classic; 'Luck, be a lady tonight.' The title was changed after producers found that focus groups struggled to relate to lyrics about a woman comprised almost entirely of cuntflaps.

Frank (singing in studio): 'Labia lady tonight, your beef curtains gave me a fright'
Producer: 'Ahhh, Frank, those lyrics really aren't doing it for me- I think fans will struggle to relate to a woman with engorged labia'
Frank: (farts disapprovingly)

by Anonymous submissions December 31, 2016

Defecate deficit

Constipated or bunged up.

'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'

by Anonymous submissions January 4, 2017