The worst television channel in the world. Here is how to Disney writers make a new television show:
1. instead of using your creativity use the simple plot line: Teenager(yes teenager) looks normal but has a secret : She is actually a (insert profession, mythical creature, or other thing).
2. Put some humorless, cheesy jokes into the script. Don't worry about them being funny, just add the background laughing
3. Cast the most prettiest, skinniest girl you can find. Acting talent not required because all they need to do is act funny. Singing talent can be needed, but more than likely you should just edit their voice
4. Shoot the show, but don't worry about reshooting. Plus: just make cardboard sets rather than actually spend money going to a place
5. ADVERTISE ADVERTISE ADVERTISE! One major thing to do is make the audience think that the main characteris like everybody else, but she isn't
6. Then make as much products as you can. Pencils, dolls(a must), bed-sheets, anything you can get your hands on. If your show gets a lot of viewers then you can make movies(should do a musical because Musicals are easy to write and easy to market)
7. Repeat cycle for next show
*On the next episode of Lucy and the Country rednecks on Disney channel*
Disney actress: Oh my jizzle, Todd has a pig. No wonder he was all hoggish
Studio audience: Hahahahhahahahahahhawhahahhahahahahh
Teen viewer: Why the hell was funny?
A television show madefor kids ages 8-11. The show is about two spoiled rotten teens who wreck havoc around the hotel they live in and always get away with it.
Zack is the sterotypical bad boy, whose only lines apparantly are ones that are supposed to be stupid. A joke from one episode is:
Cody: Mom's birthday is on tuesday so what should we get her
Zack: Mom has a birthday?
Cody: Yes, and I think we should get her a necklace
Zack: What's a necklace?
Ok so most of the jokes are supposed to be that Zack is an idiot. While Cody is the sterotypical nerd.
The show is highly unrealistic and sends a message to kids that you can destroy as many things and cause as much trouble around a hotel or anywhere and you will always get away with it because your parents will always take bail you out.
If that show were real then Zack and Cody would be arrested for damaging property, disturbing the peace, and will possibly have to pay thousands of dollars in damages.
Zach would probably drop out of high-school, sell drugs, and then get arrested, and be put in death row. His last words would be "What is death row?".
Cody would probably be released on bail, and he would finish High-school but his bad-reputation and jail sentance would not allow him to attend any college. He would work at Mcdonalds and probably marry a prostitute.
London would probably end up like Paris Hilton or become poor when her father stops funding her. Maddy hopefully will have a good future.
*On the next episode of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody*
Zack:Hey Cody, you wanna make a mess around the hotel and destroy thousands of dollars of property?!
Cody: HELL YAH! Nothing ever happensto us because our mom will always bail us out
Zack: Yah Totally!
*Two hours later*
Zack: OH My God! We killed Mr.Mosbe
Cody:You hid the body right?
Cody: You made it look like a accident
Zack: This is terrible.We're soo in trouble
Cody: We've done worse, and nothing ever happens to us. Remember mom always bails us out
Zack: Oh yah
An infectious disease only known to infect celebrity parents. The infected celebrity is usually an unknown, or washed-out celebrity who will soon force their children into stardome in order to help the parent to become famous again. The disease is named after singer/actor Billy Ray Cyrus who is best known for mooching off daughter Miley Cyrus's fame. He is now trying to get his other children famous for one of two reasons:
1. When Miley stops being famous, he can rely on his other children to keep him famous
2. He wants more money
The Billy Ray Cyrus disease is also known to infect such celebrities as Will Smith, and the parents of the Jonas brothers. Some celebrites who have been showing symptoms of the disease are Bradgelina. The symptoms of the Billy Ray Cyrus disease include:
1. increased dependency on your children for both financial, and fame reasons. This can result in allowing your kids to do anything they please in fear of getting cut off from your money supply
2. Quitting your job to mooch off your children's earnings
3. slowly lower your manhood by doing anything you can to be famous which includes exploiting your southern routes by partaking in a Disney channel show
4. always forgiving your children for the terrible things they do. It is highly common for the infected person to try all they can to convince people that whatever terrible things their child did was not bad.
There are only a few known cures for the Billy Ray Cyrus are the following:
1.Let your child do what they want and stay out of the spotlight for a couple of years
2. Punish your child for doing something wrong. It will give you a sense of power rather than being at your child's feet for money
Ex-celebrity: I'm thinking of auditioning my child for the upcoming Disney movie
friend: Dude I think you got Billy Ray Cyrus disease
The fourth Jonas and the one who we least care about. He will probably replace Kevin Jonas in a matter of years. He probably has jealously problems and will more than likely murder his brothers in a fit of jealousy.
Fangirl: OH my God! Did you hear Frankie Jonas is getting his own television show?
Fangirl 2: Why the hell would I care about stupid Frankie Jonas? He's the least likable, and the least attractive.
The most worthless superhero. He can change the colors of object. Wonder who would win in a fight: Him or superman
Lady: HELP! MY BABY IS STUCK IN THAT BURNING BUILDING!
Color kid: Don't worry I'll save your baby. I am the
Color change kid
Lady: What? Are you a superhero?
Color kid: I can change the color of objects
Lady: Wow you suck
Color kid: I know
The worlds worst author. She has no creativity. She is the author of the books Real Kids, Real Places.
The books usually start the same. Two children named Grant and Christina, ages 6 and 8, are allowed by their irresponsable grandmother Mimi, AKA Carole Marsh(apparantly Mimi, Grant and Christina are based off real people and supposedly real events), to wander around heavily populated places by themselves without adult supervision. One thing that bothers me is the fact that Mimi(Carole) is ok with her grandchildren wandering around heavily populated places and never worries about them getting kidnapped, murdered, or god forbid raped. Nope, she would rather do whatever her character does than actually care about the well-being of her grand-children.
After that some crime is commited, rather than the kids telling police about the crime, they go on their own "search" to find the criminals themselves. You might have noticed that I put quotations around the word search, mainly because it isn't really a search. Its more like a game of scavenger hunt, but the baby version of scavenger hunt. Apparantly the criminals give clues to their whereabouts to the children and boy are the clues obvious. In one of the books called "Mystery at Disney World" one of the clues is "Its a world of laughter and a world of peace". Wonder what that must mean? Its a small world of coarse and it only took three seconds to solve. I believe that Carole did not want to have Grant and Christina actually think so she had the criminals give them obvious clues so she wouldn't have to think much while she wrote the books.
Then the kids usually go find the clues which takes them on a tame-goose chase to another part of the country they are in. Usually the clues lead to monuments, museums, or other public places rather than dark alleys, abandoned warehouses, or peoples houses. After that they spend half of the time enjoying themselfs rather than calling the police or at least looking for the next clue. When they finally find the clues, they spend thirty minutes trying to decode the clues that would take a smart person two seconds to solve. The two kids, who are usually occompanied by two other kids, follow the next clue and this continues for another thirty pages.
Sooner of later we get to the climax, which is usually very tame and anticlimatic. The criminals usually give up once they are found and the police usually follow.Though most of the time the criminals aren't arrested in the end. The books always end when Grant and Christina are reunited with Mimi, doing god-knows-what while they were gone, and Mimi usually doesn't care that her grandchildren have been chasing criminals the whole day.
So there you have it, I basicly described the plot-arch of every Real Kids Real Places book. Now there are somethings that aren't related to the plot of the story. For one thing: The books are highly unrealistic. What criminal would give obvious clues to children without intentions of killing the children in the end? More importantly: Why is Carole Marsh promoting the idea of kids running away from their parents in search of criminals? We might never know, but I have my ideas.
I believe that Carole Marsh thought "How about I have the children solve crimes by themselves! That would be original". Man, how many times has that been done? I can already think of four child detectives who solve crimes by themselves: Nancy Drew, Encyclopedia Brown, The Boxcar children, and the Hardy Boys.
The last thing I am going to say is that the books all send bad messages to kids. I think her book unintentionally send a message that it is ok to wander around populated places and you wont get hurt because your kids. It also says that when a criminal sends messages to you in hopes to you finding him(or her), go follow them and get yourself cought by the criminal. The last message is that when a crime is commited and only you know about it, dont tell the police. I do not believe that Carole Marsh did these things on purpose, but I just hope she knows.
Carole Marsh*before she writes a book*: Man Im bored, and I need money
Friend; How about you write a book
Carole: Yah I'll make it a mystery about kids
Friend: and how about they solve the mysteries using their heads and knowledge they got from watching television
Carole: Nah I'll just have the criminals give clues. Thinking makes my head hurt
A store where all they sell are cheap earrings, Jonas brothers merchandise, Hannah Montana crap, and all sorts of stuff that girls ages 6-11 are interested in. You can also get your ears-pierced by a uneducated 16 year old who will probably mess it up because you don't have to put effort into ear-piercing if your doing it for free.
Girl 1: OH MY GOD I JUST GOTTA GET THE NEW HANNAH MONTANA SHIRT AT CLAIRES!
Girl 2: OH MY GOD YOU ARE SOO RIGHT!
GIrl 3: OH MY GOD! YOU GIRLS GOTTA GET A LIFE!