Definitions by Andos Hastos

Kindle Shit 

A visit to the lavatory made more comfortable by the use of a Kindle, resulting in an extended stay on the bowl, affecting all of your family members who are desperate to relieve themselves.

Sienna: Dad, can I please use your ensuite to go to the toilet? Paris is in ours.
Dad: Why? She won’t be long.
Sienna: Dad. She took in her kindle. She could be in there for days. I think she’s three chapters deep! It’s definitely a kindle shit.
Dad; Fine. We need to leave in an hour or so, I’ll go and tell Paris to snap it off.

Kindle Shit by Andos Hastos December 24, 2021

Picky Eater 

A knob.

Jack: That guy over there is such a knob.
Dad: Don’t say that Jack. Do you know what a knob is?
Jack: Yeah. It’s a picky eater.
Dad.l: Nah mate. It’s the end of your dick.
Jack: oops…

Picky Eater by Andos Hastos December 24, 2021

Nana 

The sweetest lady you will ever meet. Gives the best cuddles, makes the best muffins. Creates the most special cards. Loves her family beyond measure. Puts up with Russell.

Random guy at Knoxfield shops: “Who’s that lady over there?”
“Oh that’s my Nana, she’s the best!”

Nana by Andos Hastos November 1, 2021

Pop 

Can fix or make anything, loves to be in charge of the BBQ. Builds beautiful historical cars from the ground up. Always willing to help when you need him, has longstanding friendship groups. Everyone loves Russ! Cherishes his family and puts up with Lesley.

Random guy in the street: “Who’s that guy over there?”
“Oh that’s my Pop, he’s the best!”

Pop by Andos Hastos November 1, 2021

Eliza 

Twin 2. The Liza in Charliza. Funny, random, loyal and loving. Eliza is an ambitious, fast talking gal who ‘sings’ like Adele and ‘dances’ like Beyoncé. Eats dinner for breakfast and puts cheese on everything! Speeds like an F1 driver and dishes demerit points to family members. Easily triggered, click your fingernails and she will cut you. Most likely child to wipe parent’s bums in old age. Best footballer in the family. Loved by all who know her.

Random person: ‘Who’s that over there with the epic resting bitch face? She just ate a whole wheel of cheese!’

‘On that’s Eliza. She’s the best.’

Eliza by Andos Hastos October 12, 2021

Sue on you

When you have cooious amounts of food on any part of your body.

Everybody: ‘You have sue on you.”
Mum: ‘Where?’ but then licks herself clean like a cat.

Sue on you by Andos Hastos October 7, 2021

Golden Child

First born child, always funny in his mum’s eyes, does nothing around the house besides getting in the way, PlayStation connoisseur.

Currently employed at the local private hospital, working as medical records eye candy/bitch. Mum is so proud as usual.

Mum: ‘Where’s my golden child?’
Everyone else: ‘He’s snorting a line off a Kmart plate.
Mum: ‘That’s my boy!’

Golden Child by Andos Hastos October 7, 2021