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swapping the monkey 

a feat of stealth used by thieves to successfully pilfer items atop a pressure plate.
wife speaking to her husband: why is this coffee so weak, were you fucking swapping the monkey with your cup in the coffee maker again? that's it! we're getting a divorce!
swapping the monkey by WordRepoMan January 15, 2013
Related Words
our ancestors, monke, used to roam the land millions of years ago before we were born. their majestik monkeness has allowed us to evolve into the hooman. we must thank monke. we must praise monke. we must love monke.
I love monke, thank you monke.
monke by The Globlogabgalab February 8, 2021

Monkey Branching 

Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.
Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"

Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."

OR

Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."

Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."
Monkey Branching by Mai Ainsel March 25, 2022

Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer  

A parable passed down for generations describing the futility of the unintelligent to perform simple tasks.

Since ancient times, when an imbecile, ill-advised coworker or friend has attempted an assignment beyond their capabilities, they are often compared to a monkey endlessly trying to fix an engine that won't start by beating on it with a hammer, because monkeys do not possess the skills of a mechanic.
After being shown how twice, Dan never did learn how to open the fence, so it rained on him a few hours later. He was just like a Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer that day.

monkeybate 

The act of vigorously masturbating penis, aided by either poppers, weed, or both and often at the expense of personal relationships and productivity. So named because the masturbator engaging in the monkeybate is often so overwhelmed with pleasure that they screw up their faces in a way that mimics a baboon, gorilla, or monkey.
"Bro, Chad is so fucking gooned out on his monkeybate."
monkeybate by Ultbator August 19, 2019

Spunky Monkey 

n. A mixed drink, similar in taste to a mudslide, but with definite coffee tones. Very tasty! Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
2 shots Kahlua
1 shot Amaretto
1/2 cup Half-and-half
6 Ice cubes

Mixing instructions:
Add above ingrediants in a blender. Blend on high until the ice is crushed. Serve in a cocktail glass. No garnish.

A variation of the drink is called the Spunky Orangutan. For those who don't like coffee at all, replace the Kahlua with Bailey's Irish Cream. While chocolatey and without coffee bitterness of the Spunky Monkey, it also has an amazing hint of marchino cherry. Also very tasty!
Hey barkeep! Another Spunky Monkey, please!
Spunky Monkey by Dan Weyandt April 10, 2008