brett burkhardt's definitions

Facebook Fraud

The act of altering your profile information, writing things on the walls of others, etc. to illicit feelings of sympathy from others or to attract attention.

Jolene wrote that she was feeling down on her ex’s wall so that he’d message her again. She knew it was Facebook fraud but she didn't care.

We ignore everything that he writes on Facebook. It's mostly just Facebook fraud to get us to invite him out to the bar more often.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

whorephaned

A person is whorephaned when they are left behind at the bar while their friend/ride leaves to have a one night stand with a stranger

Tina hated going to the bar with her hot roommate because she always ended up being whorephaned with no ride home by 1 am.

by Brett Burkhardt March 9, 2008

Cassandra Claim

Named after the Greek prophetess. A way of saying “I told you so” or to remind people not to complain to your ass about shit because you warned them all about the problems you saw coming a mile away.

I filed a Cassandra Claim when you hired his dumb ass so don't start in with me. I told you he was a sticky fingered shifty bastard and you still hired him so it’s your fault that he stole over $9,000 worth of stock.

I’ve got a Cassandra Claim on your boyfriend cheating on you, Beth, because I warned your ass that I saw his car parked in front of the porn store just about every night on my way home from work.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Hold Hostage

When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.

I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Snowbird Shit

When you have to clean up the mess an old person makes when moving to or from the place where the live during the winter.

Can also be used when cleaning up any other sort of mess a snowbird makes in their migration like a car accident, when they forget what they ordered at a restaurant and then bitch that you brought the wrong thing, or even if their camper catches on fire and burns down half the camp ground. All of this and much more is snowbird shit.

Erik knew he was going to have to clean up a lot of snowbird shit with this bastard. He was demanding all sorts of fees waved because he was too stupid to have his bills forwarded to his winter address.

The traffic on the highway was backed up for miles because some old bitch in a Lincoln is driving down the center line at 7 miles an hour and she just won't pull over. This is some serious snowbird shit right here and if I'm late for work I'm going to scream

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Uppity Urbanite

Someone who thinks that living downtown is the only way to go and that everyone else is an uncultured rube.

“I can’t visit her, she lives in the suburbs for God’s sake! You might as well ask me to go to the deep south or the dark heart of Africa or some other place with no running water or appletinis!” Shrieked the uppity urbanite.

“Oh...my...God....is that a cow?! Hold me, I’m scared, it’s going to be just like Deliverance”
“Shut the fuck up, Catherine. If you’re going to pull this uppity urbanite shit with me we will end this road trip right now.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

2 Beer Bisexual

A guy who starts to act out his bisexual desires after just one or two drinks.

The guys at Alpha Sig didn’t care that Mark was bi, they just wished he would be honest about it instead of being a 2 Beer Bisexual who uses drinking as an excuse to be his real self.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008