brett burkhardt's definitions

bony pony

A guy who isn’t thin or wiry but just plain bony but who’s great in bed or has an amazing endowment.

“What do you see in him?”
“He’s a real bony pony and I’m going to ride him until dawn.”

When Carlos’ reputation of being a bony pony got out he couldn’t get a night to himself.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Memo Discrepancy

When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.

“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

2 Beer Bisexual

A guy who starts to act out his bisexual desires after just one or two drinks.

The guys at Alpha Sig didn’t care that Mark was bi, they just wished he would be honest about it instead of being a 2 Beer Bisexual who uses drinking as an excuse to be his real self.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Porno No-No

Someone who’s just too ugly and unappealing even for cheap, skanky, depressing porn.

Brian thought he’d make a great porn star but his greasy hair, two inch dick, hairy back, acne scared face, Oompa Loompa orange tan, flat ass, three minute staying power, and his problem with anal leakage made him a real Porno No-No.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Gilded Turd

To spend money to "improve" or "pimp out" a worthless item such as a crappy car, dump of a house, or other such item. Usually done by spending more to upgrade an item than was paid for it but still not actually increasing the value of the item with these upgrades.

After Sam spent $1900 to pimp out his $300 rusted out, beat up, 1982 Celebrity all he got for his trouble was a gilded turd and credit card debt.

"My sister is a moron."
"Why's that?"
"She bought a $30,000 burnt out house in the worst part of town and spent $100,000 making it livable. Now she can't sell it because everyone who could afford it doesn't want to live anywhere near that part of town."
"Sounds like she's got a gilded turd on her hands."

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Facebook Fraud

The act of altering your profile information, writing things on the walls of others, etc. to illicit feelings of sympathy from others or to attract attention.

Jolene wrote that she was feeling down on her ex’s wall so that he’d message her again. She knew it was Facebook fraud but she didn't care.

We ignore everything that he writes on Facebook. It's mostly just Facebook fraud to get us to invite him out to the bar more often.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

HSN Nut

A sad, pathetic, person who spends hours each day shopping at HSN and constantly calling in.

Mrs Ashforth was a real HSN Nut. Each day about 20 packages would arrive from them.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008