brett burkhardt's definitions

Facebook Fraud

The act of altering your profile information, writing things on the walls of others, etc. to illicit feelings of sympathy from others or to attract attention.

Jolene wrote that she was feeling down on her ex’s wall so that he’d message her again. She knew it was Facebook fraud but she didn't care.

We ignore everything that he writes on Facebook. It's mostly just Facebook fraud to get us to invite him out to the bar more often.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

QVC Crack Head

A person who spends all their money ordering shit on QVC and then returning it.

I was horrified when I saw that aunt Mary spent over a thousand dollars a month on crap from QVC but when she told me she returned all but $20 worth of stuff I knew she was a real QVC crack head.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Porno No-No

Someone who’s just too ugly and unappealing even for cheap, skanky, depressing porn.

Brian thought he’d make a great porn star but his greasy hair, two inch dick, hairy back, acne scared face, Oompa Loompa orange tan, flat ass, three minute staying power, and his problem with anal leakage made him a real Porno No-No.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

HSN Nut

A sad, pathetic, person who spends hours each day shopping at HSN and constantly calling in.

Mrs Ashforth was a real HSN Nut. Each day about 20 packages would arrive from them.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

bony pony

A guy who isn’t thin or wiry but just plain bony but who’s great in bed or has an amazing endowment.

“What do you see in him?”
“He’s a real bony pony and I’m going to ride him until dawn.”

When Carlos’ reputation of being a bony pony got out he couldn’t get a night to himself.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Transfer Troll

An asshole who transfers someone to you or another department even though they can handle the problem themselves.

Margo in accounting was a huge transfer troll. She’d send your ass to shipping just so she wouldn’t have to answer any questions about shipping costs that she was entering into the system.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Memo Discrepancy

When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.

“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008