brett burkhardt's definitions

Bathroom Blather

When a person insists on having a long, drawn out, pointless conversation on their cell phone when going to the bathroom, especially if it is a public bathroom.

"Dude, is there another bathroom here?"
"No, why?"
"There's some asshole in there talking on his cell phone and I just couldn't take a leak."
"Bathroom blather is so fucking rude."

When I heard I toilet flush I knew that this conversation was just bathroom blather.

by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008

Politipoon

When you feign interest in a politician, political group, event, fundraiser, or offer aid to any of these groups or at these events just to try and get some ass.

Sean knows that he can get some great politipoon if he faked interest in the AIDS walk.

Mary was going to get her some politipoon. First she was going to volunteer at the Obama office, then she was going to stop by the Clinton office and, tomorrow, she was going to have a nice long talk with that hot guy who works the phones at the McCain office.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Fraudtarded

Committing fraud in such a way as the police will find them in five minutes such as paying your rent, phone bill, or utilities using a stolen credit card.

Paris was shocked that the police figured out she’d been using stolen credit card numbers. Of course, she was fraudtarded because she used those stolen cards to pay her rent and phone bill with them.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Party Pouter

Someone who spends an entire party bitch about who isn’t there or how late some people are in showing up or how early they are in leaving. This is usually all they talk about which pisses off everyone at the party.

“Don’t invite her, she’s a party pouter and she’ll spend the entire night bitching that her friends aren’t there.”

When Ricardo starting turning into a party pouter the host told him to either leave or shut up.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Memo Discrepancy

When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.

“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

2 Beer Bisexual

A guy who starts to act out his bisexual desires after just one or two drinks.

The guys at Alpha Sig didn’t care that Mark was bi, they just wished he would be honest about it instead of being a 2 Beer Bisexual who uses drinking as an excuse to be his real self.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008

Cassandra Claim

Named after the Greek prophetess. A way of saying “I told you so” or to remind people not to complain to your ass about shit because you warned them all about the problems you saw coming a mile away.

I filed a Cassandra Claim when you hired his dumb ass so don't start in with me. I told you he was a sticky fingered shifty bastard and you still hired him so it’s your fault that he stole over $9,000 worth of stock.

I’ve got a Cassandra Claim on your boyfriend cheating on you, Beth, because I warned your ass that I saw his car parked in front of the porn store just about every night on my way home from work.

by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008