76 definitions by brett burkhardt

I was horrified when I saw that aunt Mary spent over a thousand dollars a month on crap from QVC but when she told me she returned all but $20 worth of stuff I knew she was a real QVC crack head.

“What do you see in him?”
“He’s a real bony pony and I’m going to ride him until dawn.”

When Carlos’ reputation of being a bony pony got out he couldn’t get a night to himself.

Ashton was a credit creep who would call all of his credit cards each month to demand a higher credit line even though he never paid them on time.

“Barkeep, I want to open another tab!”
“Go fuck yourself credit creep. You still owe $900 from last month and until you pay it off you will have to pay cash.”

Kim was a classic Secret Smoker. She would lecture her kids about the evils of smoking all day but, come 2 am, she would sneak behind the garage and relax with a nice cigarette.

Paris was shocked that the police figured out she’d been using stolen credit card numbers. Of course, she was fraudtarded because she used those stolen cards to pay her rent and phone bill with them.

If you’re going to come to town with a big bag of coastal crap then why the fuck did you decide to go to college in Iowa?

Once again, Mandy has to pull some coastal crap when she went on a rant about just how “quaint” the sushi places in Chicago are.

We all laughed when she told us that she spent $300 on that blue zebra print dress. For the same price, she could have had 35 dresses exactly like it from the bargain bin at K-Mart.

We knew we hit the goldmine when we opened this trendy boutique. Fashion fools will pay a fortune to get a “one of a kind” dress no matter how ugly it is.