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76 definitions by brett burkhardt

Someone who spends a fortune on clothes and shoes that look like shit.
We all laughed when she told us that she spent $300 on that blue zebra print dress. For the same price, she could have had 35 dresses exactly like it from the bargain bin at K-Mart.

We knew we hit the goldmine when we opened this trendy boutique. Fashion fools will pay a fortune to get a “one of a kind” dress no matter how ugly it is.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
A slut. Someone who’s taken more loads than a crusty tube sock hidden under a 14 year old’s bed.
“Don’t date her, she’s a crusty tube sock.”

“I’ve known some whores in my day but that guy is the biggest crusty tube sock I’ve ever met.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
A guy who isn’t thin or wiry but just plain bony but who’s great in bed or has an amazing endowment.
“What do you see in him?”
“He’s a real bony pony and I’m going to ride him until dawn.”

When Carlos’ reputation of being a bony pony got out he couldn’t get a night to himself.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
A moment of self denial, privation, or sacrifice that a person uses for sympathy and pity for years on end or to guilt people into doing what they want.
Ed knew that driving his girlfriend to the airport at 4am was just the martyr moment he needed to get more oral.

“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Someone who decries smoking during the day, but at night loves nothing more than a nice menthol.
Kim was a classic Secret Smoker. She would lecture her kids about the evils of smoking all day but, come 2 am, she would sneak behind the garage and relax with a nice cigarette.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Committing fraud in such a way as the police will find them in five minutes such as paying your rent, phone bill, or utilities using a stolen credit card.
Paris was shocked that the police figured out she’d been using stolen credit card numbers. Of course, she was fraudtarded because she used those stolen cards to pay her rent and phone bill with them.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008