a place that, in theory, doesn't exist-- you can only find it if you've been there before. nobody knows the exact location of it, or how to get there, unless somebody else knows the way. you can't ask for directions how to get there either.
person 1: hey, lets go to kyles house
person 2: i have no idea where it is, or how to get there
person 1: can we call him and get directions?
person 2: no, its like tortuga, nobody knows how to get there.
person 3: hey, ive been there once, i can lead the way.
by ka301243 April 7, 2011
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Tortuga describes a person who is very studious and cares a lot about grades and studying.
Originally derived from studious people who wear big backpacks as high up as possible, making them look like a turtle, tortuga has now come to describe any person who is exceptionally scholarly and hard-working.
Look at Corinna, she's in the library every Friday. What a tortuga!!

John would rather study that come play football. He's such a tortuga.
by Johan Sladikus October 13, 2005
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The spanish word for turtle or tortoise. Used to describe someone that works/moves extremely slow.
Chef 1: "Look at this fucking clown work, he's slow as dirt"
Chef 2: "Fucking tortuga"
by ItsFlan May 14, 2013
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"I feel like I'm in the twilight zone"

"You're on tortuga time. Welcome to the suck"
An unavoidable phenomenon that prevents you from arriving at your destination on time. There is no stopping it and can only be accepted - it's going to happen. Even if you attempt to leave earlier, some greater force prevents you from being on time. Just accept the inevitable, you're on Tortuga Time.
"You're on tortuga time. Welcome to the suck"
by CAC3 April 12, 2016
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A mythical male animal - boyfriend of the female Tortugita - and king of the drug underworld.
by Stinky223 September 19, 2018
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When your girl's laying on her back but isn't in the mood and won't let you past the shell.
I took her out for dinner and drinks, but when we got back she was a dry tortuga.
by midgetmugger December 7, 2017
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A U.S. national park in the Gulf of Mexico. Also known to a group of unfortunate few, the act of dry heaving out of your ass. This usually happens after a long episode of watery diarrhea. Your ass opens, goes through all the motions, your sphincter may even prolapse a little, but nothing at all comes out! And if you listen closely, you may even hear your butt hole open and shut as is fails to discharge any fecal matter.
JACOB:Hey Mike I'm gonna stop and grab a burrito bowl on my way into work. You want me to grab you something too?
MIKE: No way dude. Last time I ate one, I am pretty sure the guacamole was bad. I had the "Dry Tortugas" all night!
by CharlesUFarley May 21, 2018
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