telejerking

Portmanteau of "teleworking" and "jerking". This occurs when you have an office job that requires such little time and effort, that on snowy days when employees telework from home, you can have several jerk-off sessions while technically being paid.

Such jobs are usually only afforded to government employees and sometimes government contractors, since deadlines don't mean anything to their bosses and they will be paid regardless of performance.

Rick: I telejerked yesterday and today. How do you feel knowing that your tax dollars go to pay me for choking my chicken two times before lunch while looking at porn on my work computer? Yeah, and that conference call at 2? I was shitting while I was on the phone. Tomorrow will be my third consecutive day of telejerking due to the chain of command in my office being populated by spineless men who employee only college interns and sassy black ladies that literally contribute nothing to the ability of our government to function.

telejerking by DHS Employee February 14, 2014

Tearjerking 

Masturbating while either crying or in a state of agony/depression.

Alec Baldwin was so devastated when his dog died that he began tearjerking violently in his bedroom.

Tearjerking by Carlmalone27 July 23, 2009

teletwerking 

When a person is purportedly teleworking but in actuality is wiggling their butt up and down in a lordotic position to techno music and backing up to whatever they hope will hump them.

I think they may have been teletwerking and so the screen was switched off during the entire online staff meeting..

teletwerking by Dr Bunnygirl February 28, 2021

teleworking 

Working in a virtual organization, commonly referred to as "working from home".

Since the office is 30 miles away, in traffic, I prefer to telework when possible.

teleworking by Seth Eaton April 25, 2005

Tearjerking 

To tearjerk

tearjerking: to tearjerk, masturbate whilst crying.

Tearjerking by Backlit Villain October 16, 2008