Butt-Stabbing Bandit

The name is quite self-explanatory, but don't let that make you thing you know everything you need to about the Butt-Stabbing Bandit. He is a ferocious monster that crawled out of hell itself, hungering for one thing; butt-related injuries.

If you are a guy, imagine having dozens of miniature testicles up your bum. Now picture them all bursting with the brutal stab of a 220 lbs. man and his full force punch of a 5 inch rusty carbon steel tactical knife. If you are a woman, well, I don't know how to relate it to you. So just imagine something really bad up your butt. Like childbirth! That's it, imagine you are giving birth in your ass. But...it reverses, I guess. Whatever.
This is the dark reality of few Americans. This occurrence is rare, and only seldom caught on tape. The side effects of an attack by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit include:
-Bleeding (duh)
-Crying
-Feeling of extreme pain
-Loss of bowel control (eww)
-Nightmares
-Depressing
-Rage
-More crying
-Anxiety

Note: One of the main results of an assault by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit results in the possible change in sexuality. The first stab changes you to the sexuality opposite from your original one. The second changes you back. And so on and so forth, leaving you at the mercy of if he stabs you an odd or even number of times.

Guy 1: Dude, what happened to you? We haven't seen you in weeks! I called your house, but all your roommate said was that you were in the hospital.
Guy 2: Nothing, man, nothing. *Starts to walk away, revealing the intensive bandage wrapping on his ass-region.
Guy 1: What's up with your ass, man?
Guy 2: I was.. I got attacked by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit, okay?!? Happy now?
Guy 1: Holy shit, dude... I had no idea. I'm sorry, like, I don't know what to say.
Guy 2: Just go, man. *Dark black and white flashback of attack* *Tear roles down cheek*
Guy 1: You okay?
Guy 2: Just go....

Butt-Stabbing Bandit by JasperRide March 29, 2015

stabbity

inclined to stab or appearing inclined to stab, at persons or things through aggravation or other stabworthy moods.

I'm so fucking pissed off at my job that I just want to go stabbity on my coworkers

stabbity by drunkenmarauder January 22, 2008

Jack Stauber

an underrated YouTube musical artist who makes content that can be compared to your brain on drugs

jack stauber is best boi

Jack Stauber by subscribe to pewdiepie, kids February 1, 2019

Jack stauber

Jack Stauber is THE MOST underrated artist out there, who deserves to be known by the universe
He lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and he’s known for his AMAZING vhs style videos and his ICONIC beard

Person 1: Do u prefer Jack Stauber’s Tea Errors or Dead Weight?

Jack stauber by i hate me September 8, 2019

Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood

The thing that your friend will always remember

“Yo, do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
“Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood??”
“Cmon”

Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood by LZ22 October 17, 2019

Captain Stabbin'

A Porn made by Reality Kings (Not Bang Brothers as Family Guy suggests.) in which a guy wearing a Captian's Hat has anal sex with a bunch of chicks on a boat.

This is the reference to it on Family Guy.

Woman: Hello, Fundamental Industries. How can I help you?
Brian Griffin: Yeah... Uh... Is this... Is this Bang Brothers?
Woman: Yes.
Brian Griffin: Oh, okay. I-I'd like to cancel my subscription.
Woman: Uh, what's your name?
Brian Griffin: Brian Griffin.
Woman: And which site did you belong to?
Brian Griffin: Uh, Captain Stabbin'.
Woman: And how are you spelling that?
Brian Griffin: Uh... Um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin', S-T-A-B-B-I-N-Apostrophe.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian Griffin: You know, instead of a G at the end.
Woman: I'm sorry sir, I'm not finding that site. Uh, what was the subject matter?
Brian Griffin: Um, uh... A guy doing chicks on a boat in a, uh, a captain's hat.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian: The uh... The passengers had just signed up for a tour of the harbor, and um... And all that stuff happened.

Captain Stabbin' by MewWinx96 October 6, 2012

You met me at a very Chinese time in my life

A moment in time where you feel distinctly Chinese over all other things.

Dante: "I wish I could be Nigerian, but I can't because I'm Chinese. You met me at a very Chinese time in my life."

You met me at a very Chinese time in my life by Sus Chad September 21, 2026

Word of the Day on September 25, 2026

crunchy

Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Also used to describe establishments where alternative foods and products are sold, i.e. natural food stores.

Modified derivative of granola.

"I need more crunchy guys in my life. I'm so tired of dating preppy metrosexual assholes."

"I'm heading out to the crunchy store to pick up some fair trade chocolate and tea tree oil, do you need anything?"

crunchy by EBC July 11, 2007

Word of the Day on September 24, 2026

Galantir

A group of people, typically women, searching through someone’s digital footprint in order to find more information about that person.

Susie wasn’t sure if her new Hinge match was a creep, so she assembled Galantir and they found out he used to post slurs on gaming forums.

Galantir by Ge-sus September 22, 2026

Word of the Day on September 23, 2026

murderhobo

In a tabletop game, a murderhobo is a player who murders NPCs indiscriminately. This is normally derogatory, referring to a player who totally ignores quests, dialog, backstory, trade, world building etc.

The term is most common with Dungeons and Dragons, but it can be applied to most RPGs where the player is allowed to kill most quest-giving NPCs and NPC traders. E.g. Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Divinity original sin.

DM: The sad little orphan girl tugs at Steve's trenchcoat to get his attention, and ask for help saving her pet dog from...
Steve: I'd like to roll a strength check against strangling the orphan.
Dave: I call dibs on the dog.
DM: You murderhobos disgust me.

murderhobo by Loup&S September 9, 2021

Word of the Day on September 22, 2026

Whale

In sales terms, a whale is a prospect that is significantly larger than an organization’s average customer.

Whales are large and extremely difficult to close. Due to their immense size, they are highly sought-after.

A whale is typically identified at first by a whale hunter on the sales team, but often requires cross-discipline participation in order to close; this includes assistance from operations, engineering, creative, client success, and business development teams.

"Shit...the sales director chewed me out on the sales call this morning. He's totally pissed that I have nothing in my pipeline. I've been focused on this one whale for so long that I haven't had time to prospect for normal-sized deals."

Whale by FQ_GFY February 3, 2020

Word of the Day on September 21, 2026

Concrete cowboy

A guy who thinks he's a country kinda guy, but in reality lives a comfortable city / suburban life.

Eugene: Look at that dude in the cowboy hat!
Todd: He's just a concrete cowboy.

Concrete cowboy by EugeneJohnson42000 March 16, 2024

Word of the Day on September 20, 2026

staubi