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Butt-Stabbing Bandit
The name is quite self-explanatory, but don't let that make you thing you know everything you need to about the Butt-Stabbing Bandit. He is a ferocious monster that crawled out of hell itself, hungering for one thing; butt-related injuries.
If you are a guy, imagine having dozens of miniature testicles up your bum. Now picture them all bursting with the brutal stab of a 220 lbs. man and his full force punch of a 5 inch rusty carbon steel tactical knife. If you are a woman, well, I don't know how to relate it to you. So just imagine something really bad up your butt. Like childbirth! That's it, imagine you are giving birth in your ass. But...it reverses, I guess. Whatever.
This is the dark reality of few Americans. This occurrence is rare, and only seldom caught on tape. The side effects of an attack by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit include:
-Bleeding (duh)
-Crying
-Feeling of extreme pain
-Loss of bowel control (eww)
-Nightmares
-Depressing
-Rage
-More crying
-Anxiety
Note: One of the main results of an assault by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit results in the possible change in sexuality. The first stab changes you to the sexuality opposite from your original one. The second changes you back. And so on and so forth, leaving you at the mercy of if he stabs you an odd or even number of times.
If you are a guy, imagine having dozens of miniature testicles up your bum. Now picture them all bursting with the brutal stab of a 220 lbs. man and his full force punch of a 5 inch rusty carbon steel tactical knife. If you are a woman, well, I don't know how to relate it to you. So just imagine something really bad up your butt. Like childbirth! That's it, imagine you are giving birth in your ass. But...it reverses, I guess. Whatever.
This is the dark reality of few Americans. This occurrence is rare, and only seldom caught on tape. The side effects of an attack by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit include:
-Bleeding (duh)
-Crying
-Feeling of extreme pain
-Loss of bowel control (eww)
-Nightmares
-Depressing
-Rage
-More crying
-Anxiety
Note: One of the main results of an assault by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit results in the possible change in sexuality. The first stab changes you to the sexuality opposite from your original one. The second changes you back. And so on and so forth, leaving you at the mercy of if he stabs you an odd or even number of times.
Guy 1: Dude, what happened to you? We haven't seen you in weeks! I called your house, but all your roommate said was that you were in the hospital.
Guy 2: Nothing, man, nothing. *Starts to walk away, revealing the intensive bandage wrapping on his ass-region.
Guy 1: What's up with your ass, man?
Guy 2: I was.. I got attacked by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit, okay?!? Happy now?
Guy 1: Holy shit, dude... I had no idea. I'm sorry, like, I don't know what to say.
Guy 2: Just go, man. *Dark black and white flashback of attack* *Tear roles down cheek*
Guy 1: You okay?
Guy 2: Just go....
Guy 2: Nothing, man, nothing. *Starts to walk away, revealing the intensive bandage wrapping on his ass-region.
Guy 1: What's up with your ass, man?
Guy 2: I was.. I got attacked by the Butt-Stabbing Bandit, okay?!? Happy now?
Guy 1: Holy shit, dude... I had no idea. I'm sorry, like, I don't know what to say.
Guy 2: Just go, man. *Dark black and white flashback of attack* *Tear roles down cheek*
Guy 1: You okay?
Guy 2: Just go....
Butt-Stabbing Bandit by JasperRide March 29, 2015
Related Words
staubi • Staubing • staubitz • tyler staubin • Stabbin Cabin • Stabbing Westward • stabbing • stability • stabbin • Starbing
stabbity
inclined to stab or appearing inclined to stab, at persons or things through aggravation or other stabworthy moods.
stabbity by drunkenmarauder January 22, 2008
Jack Stauber
Jack Stauber by subscribe to pewdiepie, kids February 1, 2019
Jack stauber
Jack Stauber is THE MOST underrated artist out there, who deserves to be known by the universe
He lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and he’s known for his AMAZING vhs style videos and his ICONIC beard
He lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and he’s known for his AMAZING vhs style videos and his ICONIC beard
Jack stauber by i hate me September 8, 2019
Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood
“Yo, do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
“Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood??”
“Cmon”
“Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood??”
“Cmon”
Stabbing Yourself In The Face With All The Cracks Of Blood by LZ22 October 17, 2019
Captain Stabbin'
A Porn made by Reality Kings (Not Bang Brothers as Family Guy suggests.) in which a guy wearing a Captian's Hat has anal sex with a bunch of chicks on a boat.
This is the reference to it on Family Guy.
Woman: Hello, Fundamental Industries. How can I help you?
Brian Griffin: Yeah... Uh... Is this... Is this Bang Brothers?
Woman: Yes.
Brian Griffin: Oh, okay. I-I'd like to cancel my subscription.
Woman: Uh, what's your name?
Brian Griffin: Brian Griffin.
Woman: And which site did you belong to?
Brian Griffin: Uh, Captain Stabbin'.
Woman: And how are you spelling that?
Brian Griffin: Uh... Um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin', S-T-A-B-B-I-N-Apostrophe.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian Griffin: You know, instead of a G at the end.
Woman: I'm sorry sir, I'm not finding that site. Uh, what was the subject matter?
Brian Griffin: Um, uh... A guy doing chicks on a boat in a, uh, a captain's hat.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian: The uh... The passengers had just signed up for a tour of the harbor, and um... And all that stuff happened.
Woman: Hello, Fundamental Industries. How can I help you?
Brian Griffin: Yeah... Uh... Is this... Is this Bang Brothers?
Woman: Yes.
Brian Griffin: Oh, okay. I-I'd like to cancel my subscription.
Woman: Uh, what's your name?
Brian Griffin: Brian Griffin.
Woman: And which site did you belong to?
Brian Griffin: Uh, Captain Stabbin'.
Woman: And how are you spelling that?
Brian Griffin: Uh... Um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin', S-T-A-B-B-I-N-Apostrophe.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian Griffin: You know, instead of a G at the end.
Woman: I'm sorry sir, I'm not finding that site. Uh, what was the subject matter?
Brian Griffin: Um, uh... A guy doing chicks on a boat in a, uh, a captain's hat.
Woman: Okay, I'm checking.
Brian: The uh... The passengers had just signed up for a tour of the harbor, and um... And all that stuff happened.
Captain Stabbin' by MewWinx96 October 6, 2012