shit handed

The result of seated ass wiping, especially when combined with a crumpling paper strategy, as opposed to the equally popular fold, wipe and release or civilised method. Wiping done seated with a tilt and using the crumple method is dangerous, unsteady and frowned upon. Thus, it often results in shit residue reaching the hand, fingers, or cuff.

My loud ass boss came into the bathroom to piss and moan, so i hunkered and opted for the seated wipe and crumpling of paper so as not to draw his attention. While leaning to my left i momentarily lost my balance and bearings and inadvertently shit handed myself. I was not pleased, as i had recently eaten corn.

by mstephenfeeley December 26, 2007

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Had your shit handed to you

when somebody checks yo ass by telling you something TRUE about yourself that you have been in denial about most of your life, BUT they spit it in such a cold ass way that IT literally chills your shit all the way out, putting you ass on silent mode for the rest of the damn week.

Ray: Quit trying to be something you are not! You are so afraid that people are going to find out who you really are, a marginally average or sometimes below average person. You are NOT even smart! You are NOT the scholar you think you are so you need to be real with yourself for once. Your self-assessment always leaves a lot to be desired!

Kim: Damn....(pure silence with a fucked up look on her face as her stomach turns....sound of crickets)

Ray:Simple Bitch...You just had your shit handed to you by YOUR muthafuckin truth

Kim: (silent and stunned because she just had her shit handed to her and is not sure how to recover from it)

by Unwritten December 12, 2012

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