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Purple Monkey Finger 

Moonshine from Dargaville. Dargaville where most of New zealands Kumara or sweet potatoes are grown. The locals make the best moonshine out of these purple turd looking things.
Purple Monkey Finger will kick your ass, a lot.
No officer i only had one Purple Monkey Finger, what do you mean i cant drive.
Purple Monkey Finger by Day Tripper. November 14, 2010

Purple Monkey Finger 

So apparently the story is, the Kumara that go in to Purple Monkey Finger are grown on land that was the cemetery of the local prison for the criminally insane.

The gardens were looked after by crazy old nuns, all of them were blind except for the mother superior who was mute.

She was mute until one of the prisoners made moonshine out of the Kumara, in her room alone one night, she had a drink, and she started screaming and didn't stop until she died.

They say that even now, if you open a bottle of Purple Monkey Finger alone, in the dark, in a very quiet room, you can hear the old mute nun scream.
Patient: But Doctor, I'm a virgin, how could I be pregnant?
Doctor: I have reason to believe you have recently had some Purple Monkey Finger in you.
Patient: SHITBALLS!

the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.

Yeah, people actually do use this term, but they get it wrong mostlys.
The five finger, knu... aaawwww, fuck it. I whacked off.

the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger

Masturbation.
In other words:
Choking the chicken
Choking the monkey
wacking off
jerking off
shaking hands with man's best friend
teasing the weasel
Dude, we all know that last night you did the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.

the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.

fucking ur hand intematly or hardcore
i do the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger way 2 often

the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.

masturbation; playing five on one, priming the piss pump; playing tug of war with ol' cyclops.
Following his vasectomy, he needed to produce 25 ejaculations over a 6-month period to assure testicular emasculation. In order to do this 25 times, he had to perform the five-finger knuckle shuffle on his one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.