pizzly
Noun; The result of the mating of a grizzly bear and a polar bear. Once thought to be only existent in labs, this creature was discovered in the wild in 2006.
Known to be the single most deadly creature ever to exist, Pizzly bears are multiplying fast and spreading, thanks to their tolerance to varied climates, all over the world. Common habitats include forests, artic tundras, cities, deserts, and your closet.
They are on average 7' tall and can weigh as much as 550 lbs. Pizzlies are characterized by white fur, long claws, a humped back, a shallow face, and brown patches around its eyes, nose, and back.
A mix of two deadly predators, the Pizzly can run -30 mph (meaning can travel 30 miles in one hour BEFORE they leave) and have claws so sharp that by reading this sentence about them you are already bleeding. They are extremely strong and resilient to damage. Shots fired at Pizzly bears have only shown that they do in fact bleed testosterone. Any reports of a dead Pizzly is just a Pizzly infiltrating our universities and museums (see below).
Pizzly bears are masters of disguise and can easily go undercover as a cab drivers, senators, or news anchors (i.e. Katie Couric).
Pizzly bears actively hunt humans for food and for sport, so it is important that when traveling in their habitat (everywhere) you take precautions;
draw around yourself a Pizzly bear circle and carry a mixture of one part honey and one part seal blood, thus appealing the appetite of both halves of this creature. This should give you enough time to draft a short will and testament.
-warning-
Persons denying the existence of Pizzly bears or belittling their danger may in fact be Pizzly bears themselves. Ask them to smile. See their sharp canine teeth? This indicates that they are cubs nearing maturity that are in disguise (see above/CBS evening news)
Known to be the single most deadly creature ever to exist, Pizzly bears are multiplying fast and spreading, thanks to their tolerance to varied climates, all over the world. Common habitats include forests, artic tundras, cities, deserts, and your closet.
They are on average 7' tall and can weigh as much as 550 lbs. Pizzlies are characterized by white fur, long claws, a humped back, a shallow face, and brown patches around its eyes, nose, and back.
A mix of two deadly predators, the Pizzly can run -30 mph (meaning can travel 30 miles in one hour BEFORE they leave) and have claws so sharp that by reading this sentence about them you are already bleeding. They are extremely strong and resilient to damage. Shots fired at Pizzly bears have only shown that they do in fact bleed testosterone. Any reports of a dead Pizzly is just a Pizzly infiltrating our universities and museums (see below).
Pizzly bears are masters of disguise and can easily go undercover as a cab drivers, senators, or news anchors (i.e. Katie Couric).
Pizzly bears actively hunt humans for food and for sport, so it is important that when traveling in their habitat (everywhere) you take precautions;
draw around yourself a Pizzly bear circle and carry a mixture of one part honey and one part seal blood, thus appealing the appetite of both halves of this creature. This should give you enough time to draft a short will and testament.
-warning-
Persons denying the existence of Pizzly bears or belittling their danger may in fact be Pizzly bears themselves. Ask them to smile. See their sharp canine teeth? This indicates that they are cubs nearing maturity that are in disguise (see above/CBS evening news)
"Hey let's take two ridiculously dangerous animals and cross them, then call it a Pizzly"
"A Pizzly bear killed my (mother/father/sibling/child/priest)"
"Oh loo-
(this is all you have time to say before a Pizzly bear kills you)
"A Pizzly bear killed my (mother/father/sibling/child/priest)"
"Oh loo-
(this is all you have time to say before a Pizzly bear kills you)
pizzly by Yannick (ridiculously long name) April 25, 2008
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