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Piss and Tell

The act of boasting to friends about an abnormally lengthy urination, commonly precipitated by over-drinking alcohol or water.
"Woah guys, did you hear that? I was going for like a minute and a half"
"Sit down Jake, you dick - no need to piss and tell".

don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining

something you say when someone lies to you, cheats on you, betrays you
john: i love you anna.
anna: don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. 

Don't hurt me and then pretend like you had nothing to do with it.
You argued, privately, to each member of the committee that I should be fired and now you come by on my last day to tell me how sorry you are about what "happened." Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

piss on my chips and tell me it's vinegar. 

This is a 'mangled metaphor'. It mixes up 3 idioms:

Piss on my leg and tell me it's raining
Piss on one's chips
Piss and vinegar

To deliberately and painstakingly go out of one's way to ruin a friend's chances of success. Usually done jokingly with reference to the opposite sex.
No way do I want you as my wingman. You would piss on my chips and tell me it's vinegar.

Piss on my foot and tell me its raining 

To tell a fabrication in such a way as to be ridiculously transparent; misleading; doing one thing, and purposely mislabeling it; bold face liar
Don't pretend that's as low as the price gets,I know the blue book value of that car, and its about three thousand less than what you want, so don't piss on my foot and tell me its raining! or I saw you kiss her, thats not how cousins kiss, so don't piss on my foot and tell me its raining!

piss on my leg, and tell me it's raining

Disbelieving response to an attempt to mislead, equivalent to: "pull the wool over my eyes"
You tell me that you've worked as an airline pilot and a surgeon, too? Go on ... you'd piss on my leg, and tell me it's raining.