1. To masterbate so terrible hard, and/or hard, that the edge of your penis begins to bleed, and, soon enough, the bleeding spreads to your whole penis, causing it to hurt to urinate, orgasam or do whatever you do with it for the next 3 days.
Oh god, last night, Chris said he was jacking off so hard, he started to bleed...says it hurts to piss now...
by dcshoekid1 April 15, 2005
Where you sit on your hand till it falls asleep and then you use it to jackoff so it fells like someone else jacking you off and you imagine some woman's jacking you off.
John is into virtual mutual masterbation.
by Deep blue 2012 May 13, 2010
The depressive state where your hunger for vagina overshadows your temporary sadness. This state often results in the victim masterbating over violent porn, using his own tears as lubricant as desperate howls of anguish escape his lips.
by Anal ejaculator January 11, 2012
The guy who imagines a whole date with a girl using his hand as the girl. He'll cook diner and then just makeout with his hand too scared to make a move, c,mon you know they exist....
.....also, he may put clothes on it, even name it
.....also, he may put clothes on it, even name it
Doug: "Hey Rocco, remember Norb?"
Rocco: "Ya, man, he used to try and get me to talk to Julie, ...I mean his hand, ...really freaked me out man.
Doug: "Dude I know, he was a classic case of a masterbating date-imitater."
Rocco: "Ya, man, he used to try and get me to talk to Julie, ...I mean his hand, ...really freaked me out man.
Doug: "Dude I know, he was a classic case of a masterbating date-imitater."
by deliverer of babys January 15, 2011
by MolestingForJesus March 3, 2016
December 11th 2021 has become the true national masterbation day after Noah the high schooler beat his meat 12 times in one day breaking his previous record of 7
by Noahthemyth December 12, 2021
The most powerful roast of all time. Unlike the others, this can only be used when all other resources are exhausted; it does not skip places in the hierarchy. Will beat both hierarchical roasts (your mom gay, your dad lesbian, your granny tranny, your family tree lgbt and your ancestors were incestors) and non-hierarchical roasts (your granpap a trap, your sister a mister etc.). Only susceptible to the eternal no u.
Person 1: your mom gay lol
Person 2: Hah, basic- your dad lesbian
Person 1: Pfft, weak, your granny tranny
Person 2: Don't make me do it
Person 1: Go on ya pussy
Person 2: your family tree lgbt
*Person 1 and all his family are sent to hell and the galaxy collapses in on itself*
Person 1: *comes back from death* You think you've won?
Person 2: I have. Your ancestors were incestors.
Person 1: Nope. Your evolutionary originators chronic masterbators.
*the universe explodes*
Person 2: Hah, basic- your dad lesbian
Person 1: Pfft, weak, your granny tranny
Person 2: Don't make me do it
Person 1: Go on ya pussy
Person 2: your family tree lgbt
*Person 1 and all his family are sent to hell and the galaxy collapses in on itself*
Person 1: *comes back from death* You think you've won?
Person 2: I have. Your ancestors were incestors.
Person 1: Nope. Your evolutionary originators chronic masterbators.
*the universe explodes*
by unespectedinquisition June 8, 2018