if statement

An if statement is a programming construct that executes logic based on application purpose. many people claim programming is difficult, but as can be seen by this very simple example, variables, functions and if statements all make sense once applied to a layman's terms use.

DECLARE person_you_hate = <insert name of hated person>
DECLARE disability = <insert name of disability>

if ($person_you_hate = $disability) then
do send-to-gas-chamber
else
do commit-suicide
end if

function send-to-gas-chamber{
do grab $person_you_hate
then shove $person_you_hate
then close door
then turn knob
watch gas kill $person_you_hate
return happy()}

function commit-suicide{
do grab $person_you_hate
then humiliate $person_you_hate
then hand $person_you_hate noose
then force $person_you_hate onto wonky table
watch $person_you_hate die
return happy()}

Im going to use an if statement to settle this dispute
Dammit man, im an if statement, not a Star Trek character
If statement = stupid then

do kill-yourself-for-reading-this
else

do shoot-a-small-furry-animal-for-fun
end if

by honneamise December 4, 2018

If I can make up a 'if this then that' statement then what I'm saying is true

Or Batman.

Charlatan "If I can make up a 'if this then that' statement then what I'm saying is true! It's embedded in the structure of the universe!"

Hym "Yes. Of course. You're clearly not a petty charlatan and a tyrant and you're clearly not using fascist collusion and gaslighting to enrich yourself and subvert the government. And it's NOT opposite world. All of these things are clearly not the case and no one is going to die as a direct result of you doing that."

by Hym Iam January 21, 2025