# einsteins theory of relativity

A theory by a man called Albert Einsteins (with a crazy hairstylist) which clearly defines :
0. E = MC^2, thats E for energy, M for mass and C for speed of light!
1. No matter can excede the speed of light
2. Speed of light is constant for all, irrespective of their motion.
3. You can not go back in time and have sex with elvis or anyone for that matter!

Some parts of the theory are still unproven practically, but only proven theorotically
Girl 1 : I wanna have sex with elvis!
Girl 2 : Sorry babe! Einstein won't let ya!
Girl 1 : WTF is this enistein?
Girl 2 : Read this you dumbass, E=MC^2.. and so on..
Girl 1 : So its all because of the bloody einsteins theory of relativity, damn
Girl 2 : And we can't do anything about that bastard!
by Aky July 18, 2006
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# Einstein's theory of relative titty

The more closely related to you a female is, the larger her breasts have to be for you to be enticed to get all incestual with her. As it is generally frowned upon in most cultures to bome one's sister, said sister's breasts would need to be the size of basketballs in order to tempt one into doing so. However, a fourth cousin twice removed might have non-existent breasts, but one would have no qualms about shagging her, as the two parties share only a dash of genetic material (in her vagina).
'Dude, Einstein's theory of relative titty is definitely factual as no sooner had Mum had her double D boob job, then I was on top of her sending my penis back from whenst it came (her vagina). Then I came.'
by Anonymous submissions December 06, 2017
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# What is the purpose of Einstein's theory of relativity, Lobachewsky geometry and calculus?

This is a very serious question and it must be answered carefuly and gradualy.
First, let's see what is the ourpose of Einstein's theory of relativity. Well, it helps an astrophysicist to calculate the trajectory of a galaxy, because at such a large speeds an distances relativistic effects are very important. Than he earns some mony for his calculations, which he uses to buy a car and a flat, so he can get laid. In essence, Einstein's theory's purpose is to get laid.

Geometry of Lobachewsky is about curved space. It is useful for another astrophysicist, to calculate effects of passege of a small black hole next to our solar system, and its effects on our space-time. He will get some mony for his calculations from the agency he works for, so that he can buy a car and a flat, and get laid. In essence, geometry of Lobachewsky is used just to get laid.

And finnaly, let's see what is the burpose of calculus. Well, calculus studies behaviour of systems during some period of time depending on various variables. An engineer employed in hydroelectric power plant uses it to calculet the production of electricity, which depends on the rate of flow of the water through turbines, ammount of water in accumulation etc. It is impossible without calculus. Of course, our engineer won't do this just like that. He will earn money from company he works for, so that he can buy a car and a flat, where he can get laid. In essence, the purpose of calculus is getting laid.

If you want to now more about other scientific disciplines and their purposes contact us at newscientist@harvard.ma.us. But, sincerely, we suppose that you already now the answers.
Student: "What is the purpose of einstein's theory of relativity, lobachewsky geometry and calculus?"
Proffessor: "To get laid!"
by J.Z. - vukajlija April 24, 2009
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# Einstein's *very* Special Theory of Relativity

An advanced sexual maneuver whereby your girlfriend deep-throats you far enough down that your pubes look a bit like an Albert Einstein mustache on her upper lip, and then she recites Albert Einstein quotes as best she can.
"God does mmph play mppphhh."

"Mmmmphhh equals mmmmmphhh C sqummmph"

-Probable utterances by a person performing Einstein's *very* special theory of relativity.
by Televangelist July 07, 2009
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