4 definitions by Televangelist

An advanced sexual maneuver whereby your girlfriend deep-throats you far enough down that your pubes look a bit like an Albert Einstein mustache on her upper lip, and then she recites Albert Einstein quotes as best she can.
"God does mmph play mppphhh."

"Mmmmphhh equals mmmmmphhh C sqummmph"

-Probable utterances by a person performing Einstein's *very* special theory of relativity.
by Televangelist July 07, 2009
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A fake (faux) phenomenon, usually picked up on by the news-media, using bogus or highly unusual anecdotes to construct a false 'trend'.

Media outlets from the New York Times to Fox News absolutely love these, because they fill column space and news time, anyone can comment on them / write them and appear informed without actual research or investigative work, and they make for 'sexy' stories.

Common features of fauxnomenon stories include: Teens, sex, drugs, teens and sex, teens and drugs, teens and sex and drugs.

These types of fauxnomenon stories are often called 'moral panic' stories.
Mom: "Hey there honey, you haven't been going to Rainbow Parties, have you? It's where girls all get different colors of lipstick, and then they blow every boy at the party until their penises look like rainbows! I know kids are doing it these days because I saw it on Fox and CNN and Oprah, and I'm worried. They wouldn't put it on TV if it weren't true."

Daughter: "Mom, that's just a fauxnomenon! It's designed to play on your fear of teen sex and drum up ratings."

Mom: "Really?"

Daughter: "Yeah. That jenkem thing is totally legit, though."
by Televangelist June 03, 2009
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When a non-Jew is considered 'down with the Jews' and is given some degree of leeway by his Jewish friends to make Jew jokes and/or latkes.

A portmanteau of shtetl, the term for Jewish ghettos in Europe, and ghetto pass, a term expressing a similar concept with regard to African Americans.
"I get a shtetl pass. I once taught a Jewish girlfriend remedial Yiddish." ~Actual quote from the internet

"Abraham Lincoln gets a shtetl pass. He freed the slaves, and he was named Abraham."
by Televangelist August 03, 2012
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The simplified version of their real name that pretty much anyone who doesn't have a totally White-bread name comes up with to give out when (loud, white) people at bars, clubs, etc. come up and ask what their names are.

Useful for avoiding annoying, endless repeated attempts by the asker to 'get the name right', or avoiding the inevitable "So where are you from? ...So where are you *really* from?" questions.

Almost always only a syllable or two, and easy to shout in someone's ear when the music is loud.

Often a middle name or something that the person doesn't normally go by.
"Hi, I'm Shan!" -Bar name of Shaniqua

"Hey man, I'm Zee, nice to meet you" -Bar name of Zaid
by Televangelist April 22, 2009
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