1.A god like person that is infinitely more cunning than an engineer but unlike engineers actually have devoloped the socal skills of an 'A' list celib.

2.A typical Surveyor uses all manner of cool robotic instruments, laser scanners, eletronic measuring devices, high end computer programs and a beat up old 4WD.

3. A Typical Surveyor is better than a 'mans best friend' makes females go weak at the knees and wet at the crotch just by being in their presence and still has time to go to the pub after work.

4. Famous Surveyors in history are GOD, McGuyver, Mr T, Chuck Norris, The Loch Ness Monster, Einstein, JFK, Malcom X, Snoopy, James Bond, all Ninjas, Mr Miyagi, Thomas Eddison, The Hoff.

5. The average surveyor is able to bring the real world into the office of the timid cartographer by all manner of observations and exact measurements and can easily take the rambling designs of a fat-arsed but exciteable engineer and put them into the real world (or not, if they are complete shit).

6. The Surveyor is often the target for the jealousy of others due to feelings of inadequacy (usually in the pants). Due to this Surveyors will often work in teams, where each will watch the other's back like a highly trained quasi-military unit. In this case the term "Team Survey" can be applied.
The Surveyors surveyed that (whatever object you want) and made a 3D digital image of it. Thanks Survey!!
by markhasdrunken March 22, 2007
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Surveyors are supposed to be reasonably intelligent people capable of using equipment to gather survey data (elevation, coordinates, etc.) for a specified area. In reality, they're the idiots who couldn't pass their engineering classes but didn't want to be English majors. They can take the most advanced surveying equipment that uses data from up to a dozen satellites at once and somehow can still end up with data that is 20 feet off and 100 feet below sea level. Also cannot tell the difference between a fire hydrant and a sidewalk or a building and a chain-link fence when it comes time to label their borderline unusable data. They, along with architects, are the bane of every civil engineer and CAD drafter's existence.

See also: Idiot, Moron, Fucktard
Engineer: Did the surveyor give us any useful data this time?

Drafter: What do you think?

Engineer: Figures...
by bitter engineer January 3, 2018
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He/she who surveys and quantifies materials and labor on civil engineering and construction contracts.
Usually with no actual knowledge of engineering or construction practices.
Known to have poor numerical skills.
Can turn a $100 job into a $100000 without explanation.
Never ask a surveyor to explain figures, go study quantum physics, its easier to understand.
Often aggressive individuals.
by AndyB368 March 22, 2007
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An adorable man who thinks only with numbers but when conversing with women talks only with the language of love. If he were an animal he'd be a mule, i.e. he lives in a group but when his time has come he walks alone in the desert and accepts his fate.
'Hey John I saw Rusty the other day, he's a Quantity Surveyor'...gasping, John replies 'wow Pete, I hear they are phallic gods with the brain power of Stephen Hawking'...'too true John, I'd give my left nut-sack and an hour of cunnilingus with Thora Herd's (RIP) rotting corpse to be a Quantity Surveyor'
by Rusty-Horny-But-Crusty November 27, 2008
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A customer, generally in a supermarket who stares intently at the old LCD screens made by IBM. Their purpose is to find the slightest inconsistency with posted prices with what the item actually rings up. Obviously they have no problem with a item that rings up less than what was posted, but they become outraged at the fact that a particular item rang up 15¢ more. This intent staring leave them helpless and oblivious to the outside world. Such as, lets say at Wal-Mart (where the customers remove the bags from the carousel), they just let a pile of bags form before you have to specifically ask them to break their gaze and do something about it. Either that, or they brought a person shopping to help them in these helpless stages of shopping
Cashier 1: Dude, why was that crazy bitch yelling at you?
Cashier 2: Well, I had five items ring up with a total of $1.58 over the posted price. Her total was a fucking $347.38.
Cashier 1: How could she tell? She must have had a lot of items.
Cashier 2: That bitch was a Price Surveyor.
by 0DeafMute0 March 16, 2009
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a carbonated beverage composed of two parts Sunkist and one part Mountain Dew. refreshingly delicious in the summertime.
Surveyor 1: Lawsy me, I'm parched.

Surveyor 2: Do like me. Getcha a Surveyors' Delight.
by MofistolRobinson January 28, 2009
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The most slimy, greedy, biggest con-merchant wankers in construction industry. Always altering/chopping and changing costs like an evil Sith Lord at the expense of poor white man subcontractor who is feeding his family on 12 pence per day.

Trying to understand a QS who is justifying an horrifically/disgusting high cost to you using a spreadsheet which looks as if it was created by Stephen Hawking is like a Finnish man trying to understand the entire Qur'an off by heart in less than 12 hours.

Most of them have little construction technology knowledge and exist only to tinker around on Microsoft Excel like a child on candycrush.

If you want to work in construction, don't be a wanker Quantity Surveyor. (I recommend being an architect, you get to wear trendy glasses and drive a Saab around like a boss).
'That Quantity Surveyor charged me £20,000 for a toilet seat and he's still holding money we were owed by the contractor 2 years ago - nobhead!'
by jk5_1986 February 23, 2015
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