Jizzstain Judy

The Key to New York City. An elusive, elderly, cockicidal woman residing in "The Village" section of lower Manhattan. It is said that if one finds her and befriends her, she will be able to get that person into the most exclusive night clubs and extravagant bars in the South Side, due to her extensive knowledge of the underground sewer system and the countless sexual favors she's given to most of the club owners and bouncers. JSJ is claimed to have been befriended by ONLY two people in the entirety of the city. This is mostly due to her nocturnal sleeping pattern and her seclusion during the daytime hours, which make her whereabouts practically impossible to find. She is also claimed to give the second greatest handjob in the city. Being outdone only by Dennis Rodman. Her name comes from the shirt she's worn since 1985.

Adolescent 1: "Oh fuck man, I had the most insane night of my life last night."

Adolescent 2: "I saw you get pulled into that manhole....what the fuck happened man?"

Adolescent 1: "You'll never believe it, but I befriended Jizzstain Judy."

Adolescent 2: "Bullshit, she's not even real."

Adolescent 1: "Whatever, at least I got an amazing handjob."

Jizzstain Judy by Pat Clements January 20, 2009