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As a 6th Generation Floridian, I think I am pretty qualified to describe this state. I get pissed off when I hear a lot of the misconceptions about our state, especially from people who live here that think they know what they are talking about but, in actuality, have no clue!
Florida has no distinctive seasonal changes- It's either kind of cold, warm, or hot. Kind of cold is usually at 4am in the morning before the sun rises in the middle of January.
True Floridians know how to drive, tourists (Snowbirds) and immigrants have no fucking clue. They drive around staring at the pretty fucking clouds more than they stare at the road and pay attention to what they're doing. I have seen this happen time and time again.
We have cowboys- actual cowboys! Like the ones you see in Texas- they live in the middle of the state though mostly, away from the beaches and the "City life" as they like to put it.
It's not always sunny in Florida- Actually during the summer it is always raining. We are not in some mecca where the weather is always perfect.
Only people who are not from Florida freak out over hurricanes. We have plenty of warning people- It's not going to magically hit us overnight, so quit fucking freaking out and acting like the world is going to end 2 weeks before it hits.
Most of the Spanish people in this state are Republicans, so quit blaiming it all on the rednecks.
We have a lot of beautiful women but we also have a lot of ugly ones too.
Most of the good looking men are either gay or married.
Hog meat is plenty and bountiful and oh so scrumtious. If you don't like animal killers, don't move here.
The deer in S. Fla are very small and not worth hunting for. If you want good hunting go to GA.
Flip flops are considered shoes down here.
The roads suck- There is always some type of construction going on, though it's never quite clear for what. And it never ends.
There's not only Palm Trees people.
Most people in FL are not originally from Florida, so quit blaiming us for the stupid things that happen here. Blaim New Jersey, New York, and all the other Union states these people move from.
If you don't have AC in your vehicle you are shit out of luck.
The more south you go, the more you want to kill yourself.
True Floridians like to do outdoors activities and get fucked up, not just go to clubs and get fucked up.
Don't go swimming in Lake Okeehcobee or the gators will rip your arm off like they did that one idiot kid from Okeechobee.
Speaking of, gator hunting is a fun hobby, but if you don't know what you're doing, don't attempt it.
Most stupid things that happened in our state happen in others states as well. Enough said.
We don't visit Walt Disney everyday. That shit is for tourists from England mostly.
If you don't know what an airboat is, you ain't from here.
The schools aren't that bad.
Home Insurance is way too high in south florida.
There are too many gated communities in the suburbs. They act like they're in the fucking ghetto for Chrissakes.
We don't go to the beach everyday.
Ain't and ya'll are used everyday by true Floridians, get over it. Quit telling us those words aren't in the dictionary because we don't give a fuck!
We don't like tourists, we like their money.
If you want good drugs, such as marijuana or cocaine, Carol City has plenty. Enter at your own risk.
They're not roaches people, they're palmetto bugs. Roaches don't fly.
We have lots and lots of old people who love to call the cops. Fair warning.
If you don't like Florida, which most Yankees don't (i.e. "It's too fuckin hawt", "There's too much twaffic", "Damn rednecks", etc.) I-95 will take you right back where you came from! Have fun on the way back North!!!!
There is more I could say but I'll leave it to that. You can figure the rest out if you ever move down here (Which most of you probably will unfortunately.)
by Blondee84x August 07, 2008
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16
Its Heaven and Hell down here. I know since I lived here my whole life. Unlike the stereotype, we dont only have palm trees, its not always sunny but it alway rains and its always hot exept in January when it gets down to the 40's or rarely the high 30's (how the hell do you guys up north stand it?!?),we dont go to the beach every day but at least once a week if there isn't something in the water (shit, trash, fatass people in the water, etc.), and its not overun by old people (they live in north florida but I and most people in south florida don't really care about N. FL.).

What is true is that there is always hotass chicks wearing thongs around to have sex with, during summer there's always fat tourists everyware you turn buying overpriced shit, complaning how hot it is, and wearing things on the beach you should never wear.

Downtown Miami is drug central and the worlds biggest pawn shop. You need some dope, got it. You need an Usi or two, got it too. You need a hit, already done.

Most people who drive down here seam to have never gotten a drivers license. Theres the asshole who goes in the turning lane and nearly fishtails you, the old people who drive 30 mph on the highway, the chicks that just talk on their cellphone and cut clean across from the far right lane to the left turning lane, nearly causing a huge crash, and the guy who drives 30 mph on a 45 mph road but should be going around 50+ if there's no police around and when you try and pass him, he speeds up and stops you from passing if there's a faster car in the other lane.

We don't all live in apartments. I live in a two story house in the suberbs in Pembroke Pines which you probably never heard of. Its like houses in other states but are painted in a wide veriety of colors, no cibneys since we got a/c, and no basements since if you make a hole for one it will just fill with water and become an indoor swimming pool.

We don't care so much about hurricanes unless its a strong cat. 3 or a 4 or 5 coming straight for us like Andrew or last year's, Wilma. The rest are just annoyances that give us a day off from school and work. The only people that go crazy when a 1-3 hurricane comes in are tourists and people who just moved here and never been in a hurricane.

We need to get rid of Jeb Bush, FCAT, lazy tourists, F.E.M.A., crappy teachers, old people driving, satellite tv since the satellites always get destroyed in any hurricane, dumbass driving, racist police who somehow out of all the people on the road, pull over the black guy and says he did 90 on a 45 road, and Hummers. I mean seriously, what do you need it for? There's no hills or mountains here so you never use any SUV for its real purpose and most people don't get it for putting big stuff in so all you have it for is to look like you got some cash to burn on buying gas few miles for 2.25 per gallon at Cosco cause Shell is expencive, all other places are full and noone likes bp.

Overall its not a bad a place to live if you can deal with some of the downsides.
South Florida has its ups and downs but is still an nice place to live if you pick the right palce to live since all the cities are different.

P.S.: Does all the gas stations up north got some dude fill your car up for you? I know its true in New Jersey but not down here. Just wanted to through that out.
by Ezgamer January 08, 2006
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17
The most disposable "rapper" in the history of music.
Hey Bobby, what's a seven letter word for human excrement?

"Flo Rida."
by markmarkmark March 06, 2008
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18
America's wang (see: America's wang)
Homer simpson: We can't go to Florida... thats America's wang! *points at the dick-like state of Florida*
by Chang Tan December 31, 2003
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19
FLORIDA: Full of old retired people who will call the cops on you for ANYTHING you do.
Scott: *lights firworks on 4th of July*
Old-fucking-neighbor: *calls cops*
Scott: YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Old-fucking-neighbor: turn your music down
Scott: FUCK YOU! *bird*
Old-fucking-neighbor: *calls cops*

Scott: *takes paintball gun outside*
Old-fucking-neighbor: *worries* *calls cops*
Scott: FFS! Go fucking retire somewhere!
Scott: awww shit, thats what your doing now!?
by Scott (Dark) April 05, 2005
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21
The only state in the U.S. where the number of natural disasters in a year is more than the number of smart politicians.
Hurricanes or morons? People of Florida have to pick their poison, sometimes even both.
by KRHimself March 26, 2005
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