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Shame wank

When you wank for so long and you have used up all your acceptable wank fantasies. You must then journey to the dark side of the wank, which is full of all the good looking people just too young to go out with in school.
Oh shit, there goes my last valid wank fantasy. I should stop before this turns into a shame wank.
by ShammyDooWop August 23, 2016
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Wank Window

A wank window is limited time frame in which an opportunistic married man is alone in his home and can therefore peruse 'performing art' videos on the home computer whilst digitally stimulating his phallus. Mission control usually grants wank windows when the wife has gone to Tesco with the kids to do the shopping / gone to see relatives / went out with her mates. Wank windows are known to be tenuous and unpredictable because the wife may return early and the act of self flagellation may have to be aborted.
Courier: I tried to deliver the parcel to number 8 this morning but the bloke wouldn't answer the door. I rang the bell repeatedly but he appeared to be glued to his computer in the front room, ignorant twat!
Boss: How'd he look?
Courier: Funnily enough he was sweating, red faced and seemed utterly focused elsewhere.

Boss: Son, a man's wank window is sacred. When you're married you'll understand.
by TheFoolOnTheHillAnarchy October 20, 2012
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Status Wank

When someone "likes" their own status on Facebook
by el foldo December 1, 2011
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wank the crank

Grammatically correct term for mastrubation. Wank is the verb preceding crank (noun.)

A person " wanks the crank" and not vice versa.
Billy's grandmother nearly fainted when she saw him wank the crank to the nude pygmies in the National Geographic.
by Macsloan October 19, 2019
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Zombie Wank

The act of a zombie forcibly removing its penis (easily done due to the rotting flesh), and then rapidly inserting the hole where the penis used to be
Zombie 1: “Arrrggh” *Wow I just had the best zombie wank ever!*

Zombie 2: “Argh” *Yeah thanks that was mine*
by Lezo August 25, 2021
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Wank-Spank

When you partake in the hobby of masturbation and SPUNK into your hand give someone a slap across the face
Thomas hit Sarah-Jane with a peculiar Wank-Spank
by Wankyman6969 June 12, 2021
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Wank Dick

Wank Dick;
Figure of speech
Wanker
When your merging into one lane to merge on the highway and the car behind you tries to overtake with 5 m to spare.

They are a Wank Dick.
by Driving January 1, 2022
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