Ass Wank

When you don't have a penis so you masturbate your anus

Friend 1: Man, I was so horny last night but I don't have a dick :(
Friend 2: You should try ass wanking, it's so good

by Superbankai April 26, 2016

Wog Wanking

Wog wanking is the term of an overly Australian man or woman masturbating furiously over morally heartbreaking things.

Oi cunt, what'd you do last night?

Oh I was just Wog Wanking.

Mate, you need to fucking stop.

by Undeniably Fucked Up October 10, 2016

Shame wank

When you wank for so long and you have used up all your acceptable wank fantasies. You must then journey to the dark side of the wank, which is full of all the good looking people just too young to go out with in school.

Oh shit, there goes my last valid wank fantasy. I should stop before this turns into a shame wank.

by ShammyDooWop August 23, 2016

Zombie Wank

The act of a zombie forcibly removing its penis (easily done due to the rotting flesh), and then rapidly inserting the hole where the penis used to be

Zombie 1: “Arrrggh” *Wow I just had the best zombie wank ever!*

Zombie 2: “Argh” *Yeah thanks that was mine*

by Lezo August 25, 2021

Wank Window

A wank window is limited time frame in which an opportunistic married man is alone in his home and can therefore peruse 'performing art' videos on the home computer whilst digitally stimulating his phallus. Mission control usually grants wank windows when the wife has gone to Tesco with the kids to do the shopping / gone to see relatives / went out with her mates. Wank windows are known to be tenuous and unpredictable because the wife may return early and the act of self flagellation may have to be aborted.

Courier: I tried to deliver the parcel to number 8 this morning but the bloke wouldn't answer the door. I rang the bell repeatedly but he appeared to be glued to his computer in the front room, ignorant twat!
Boss: How'd he look?
Courier: Funnily enough he was sweating, red faced and seemed utterly focused elsewhere.

Boss: Son, a man's wank window is sacred. When you're married you'll understand.

by TheFoolOnTheHillAnarchy October 20, 2012

Status Wank

When someone "likes" their own status on Facebook

John Smith is a status wanker

John Smith likes this

by el foldo December 1, 2011

Courtesy Wank

When she won’t give up the pussy for one reason or another but offers a gratuitous hand job to give your aching nuts some relief.

Rachel had such a heavy flow this month she wouldn’t have sex so she gave me a courtesy wank.

Her nasty yeast infection earned me several days of courtesy wanks.

by Eaton Holgoode December 27, 2018