Retroactive masturbation

The act of masturbating to a girl (or guy) from your past who at one point was extremely attractive but is no longer due to aging or weight gain. The masturbator would then jerk off to a mental image of how the once attractive girl looked in the past (retroactively) rather than how she looks currently. This occurs quite often when thinking about aging female celebrities who at point were major sex symbols.

Similar to "nostalgia wank".

Rick: Yo man, did you see Chloë at our ten year high school reunion?

Matt: Yea, brah. She got fat. Fuckin' shame, she used to be sooooo hot.

Rick: I know right? I'm gonna find an old yearbook and beat off to the way she used to look in high school.

Matt: Good ol' retroactive masturbation! Ya know, for a quicker yank, you could just scroll backwards through her Facebook profile photos.

by jodielover81 October 4, 2018

Masturbation Station

Masturbation Station Masturbation Station

Lluvia García, Masturbation Station
I'm watching Porn right now;When Nelson Was Fucking Me!

by Anonimo369 March 16, 2022

whistling masturbator

A human who whistles while masturbating.

Here comes that whistling masturbator again--better get the umbrella.

by Ernest Peabody August 6, 2006

Mental Masturbation

The term coined by the promising new hope of psychology. Christopher, the surefire future of psychological theory, defines this term as the psychosexual pleasure that one receives from playing mind games with others. Christopher is a godsend to psychology.

I am, however, at the point in my life where I do not need to subject myself to the “mental masturbation” which envelopes your games.

by Sigmund Hylkema January 9, 2008

Critical Masturbation

1. What happens when you get two or more bicycle enthusiasts in a room. Typical topics of conversation include: How much their bikes/components/spandex bodysuits cost; How cyclists get no respect from motor vehicles, which they totally deserve and ought to fight for, even though the usual rules of the road--like stoplights, crosswalks, and one-way streets--obviously don't apply to bicycles; and What brand of toe clip/leg wax/douchenozzle is appropriate for race day?

2. The world's largest monthly circlejerk.

CABBIE: Sorry sir, it looks like we have a delay.
PASSENGER: Can't we go around?
CABBIE: Nope, they got the whole road shut down. Looks like some kind of douche pride parade.
PASSENGER: Oh, it's that time of the month: Critical Masturbation.

by Harry Bergdorf May 3, 2010

mental masturbation

v. the act of masturbating with and only with your mind, totally not sexy

Oh man, performed some mental masturbation last night releasing mind bullets on my couch

by MattyN February 11, 2006

mental masturbation

To perform some activity, typically IT related, where performing the activity gives the performer near sexual pleasure while doing it, yet nothing of any value or lasting value is produced. Mental masturbation is reasonably acceptable in the privacy of the performer's home, where their time is free (in money terms), but not on their employer's time. Mental masturbation can be the cause and reason for overly complicated and hard to understand IT solutions being implemented in one company, despite simpler, more commonly understood and tried and tested solutions to the same problem being used at a number of other companies in the same industry.

To workmate, on Monday morning, "Guess what I did over the weekend! I rewrote Linux in FORTAN! Cool huh! Next weekend I'm going to rewrite it in COBOL!"
Workmate, unimpressed, "That sounds like mental masturbation to me."

by Shylock Merchant September 22, 2008