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Retroactive masturbation

The act of masturbating to a girl (or guy) from your past who at one point was extremely attractive but is no longer due to aging or weight gain. The masturbator would then jerk off to a mental image of how the once attractive girl looked in the past (retroactively) rather than how she looks currently. This occurs quite often when thinking about aging female celebrities who at point were major sex symbols.

Similar to "nostalgia wank".
Rick: Yo man, did you see Chloë at our ten year high school reunion?

Matt: Yea, brah. She got fat. Fuckin' shame, she used to be sooooo hot.

Rick: I know right? I'm gonna find an old yearbook and beat off to the way she used to look in high school.

Matt: Good ol' retroactive masturbation! Ya know, for a quicker yank, you could just scroll backwards through her Facebook profile photos.
by jodielover81 October 4, 2018
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Mental Masturbation

Manipulating usually flirtatiously yet without doing any actual sexual acts in order to get what you want.

AKA: ‘Hoeing without using your holes’
Just send a pretty girl to go scoop up that check. He won’t tell her no...
#mental masturbation
by FreakyFelonFriday February 6, 2021
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masturbating on the run

When a tardy individual is getting dressed on their way to where they're going.
Masturbating on the run is to get dressed on your way to the destination

Marge: Hurry up and get dressed we're gonna be late!
Rob: Fuck it, I'll just masturbate on the run let's just go.

I'm not one to masturbate on the run but I can't miss my grandmas funeral.
by Xtra3916 July 4, 2022
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whistling masturbator

Here comes that whistling masturbator again--better get the umbrella.
by Ernest Peabody August 6, 2006
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Mental Masturbation

The term coined by the promising new hope of psychology. Christopher, the surefire future of psychological theory, defines this term as the psychosexual pleasure that one receives from playing mind games with others. Christopher is a godsend to psychology.
I am, however, at the point in my life where I do not need to subject myself to the “mental masturbation” which envelopes your games.
by Sigmund Hylkema January 9, 2008
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Critical Masturbation

1. What happens when you get two or more bicycle enthusiasts in a room. Typical topics of conversation include: How much their bikes/components/spandex bodysuits cost; How cyclists get no respect from motor vehicles, which they totally deserve and ought to fight for, even though the usual rules of the road--like stoplights, crosswalks, and one-way streets--obviously don't apply to bicycles; and What brand of toe clip/leg wax/douchenozzle is appropriate for race day?

2. The world's largest monthly circlejerk.
CABBIE: Sorry sir, it looks like we have a delay.
PASSENGER: Can't we go around?
CABBIE: Nope, they got the whole road shut down. Looks like some kind of douche pride parade.
PASSENGER: Oh, it's that time of the month: Critical Masturbation.
by Harry Bergdorf May 3, 2010
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mental masturbation

v. the act of masturbating with and only with your mind, totally not sexy
Oh man, performed some mental masturbation last night releasing mind bullets on my couch
by MattyN February 11, 2006
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