wank parade

Wanking more than 3 times in night, usually while maintaining nudity.

Last Thursday i was bored while home alone so i decided to have a wank parade to pass time

by stuy.bee November 22, 2010

Status Wank

When someone "likes" their own status on Facebook

John Smith is a status wanker

John Smith likes this

by el foldo December 1, 2011

Wank Window

A wank window is limited time frame in which an opportunistic married man is alone in his home and can therefore peruse 'performing art' videos on the home computer whilst digitally stimulating his phallus. Mission control usually grants wank windows when the wife has gone to Tesco with the kids to do the shopping / gone to see relatives / went out with her mates. Wank windows are known to be tenuous and unpredictable because the wife may return early and the act of self flagellation may have to be aborted.

Courier: I tried to deliver the parcel to number 8 this morning but the bloke wouldn't answer the door. I rang the bell repeatedly but he appeared to be glued to his computer in the front room, ignorant twat!
Boss: How'd he look?
Courier: Funnily enough he was sweating, red faced and seemed utterly focused elsewhere.

Boss: Son, a man's wank window is sacred. When you're married you'll understand.

by TheFoolOnTheHillAnarchy October 20, 2012

Wank Dick

Wank Dick;
Figure of speech
Wanker

When your merging into one lane to merge on the highway and the car behind you tries to overtake with 5 m to spare.

They are a Wank Dick.

by Driving January 1, 2022

Lang Wank

A method of masturbation whereby the masturbator uses a traditional one-hand grip on the penis, while inserting the thumb from his other hand up his anus. Due to the slightly uncomfortable positioning, this practice can mean the participant takes a "long"time to complete the wank to satisfaction.

This method was apparently first seen performed in Scotland and in recognition of this, the Scottish word for Long, "Lang" is used.

I just had a lang wank, but boy, my arse is a little tender now and I can no longer bring myself to smell my thumb.

by The Artful Fudger December 13, 2010

wank squad

A group of mates who talk about wanking all the time.

Slaughty: Hey Wankel. How about you have a wank while your at it.

Wankel: Don't worry Slaughty. I already have. I'll let the wank squad know

by Hankmaster99 November 18, 2014

Shame wank

When you wank for so long and you have used up all your acceptable wank fantasies. You must then journey to the dark side of the wank, which is full of all the good looking people just too young to go out with in school.

Oh shit, there goes my last valid wank fantasy. I should stop before this turns into a shame wank.

by ShammyDooWop August 23, 2016