Beard Magic

1. An umbrella term referencing all religious laws of an 'irrational' nature, most often found in the Abrahamic faiths and often in the older texts.

2. The correlation between support for hair-brained third-party candidates (i.e. Ron Paul, The Green Party, etc.) and the length and scope of one's facial hair.

Used in a sentence:

1:

"Dude, that Deuteronomy shit is total Beard Magic."

or

"I was going to have sex with Becky but she's on the rag and that would violate the laws of beard magic."

2:

"I swear, the only reason Jack is voting for Kinky Friedman is that kooky beard magic."

"Rob, you don't want to vote libertarian, you're just under the spell of your beard's magic (sic). Shave that shit off."

by agentlorneue September 28, 2009

Goat's beard

A term taken from the highly historical and accurate series 'Vikings' referring to the female sex organ covered in foliage because presumably they didn't have handy razors way back when.... just big axes

''And the Earl who has nothing between his legs, but a goat's beard''

by Floki the Viking June 18, 2015

beard oil

The cum that gets on tour beard after eating a girl out.

Damn girl, this is some stinky ass beard oil you have.

by Beard Oil November 15, 2016

Lettuce Beard

Literally: one who has been stuck in a hole or lying underground for an extended period of time to the point where his/her face has become the roots for an above-ground head of lettuce.

Commonly confused with: vegetarian, codswallop, Prince Caspian, homeless, loose leg.

This phrase can also be used as a compliment.

You should try his ganache. So light and perfect...he's quite a lettuce beard!

by Shapely December 7, 2010

monkey beard

A pudenda covered with bristles, similar to a chimp or monkeys chin. Can chafe or irritate the male groin during intercourse. Usually the result of non-frequent tending to the Lady Garden.

I dumped my load all over her monkey beard.

by Steve Zodiac April 12, 2012

beard grinding

when a couple straight dudes start making out; can also be used as a pejorative or emasculating insult, implying that a man or men (especially guys that hang out with each other a lot) are homosexual. sarcasm expressing disappointment in the excessive male population of a space, and lack of feminine company.

You want to do some beard grinding at the sausage party later?
why don't you two stop beard grinding and take your shots?

by the phenomenom December 23, 2008

Bearded Rascal

An unshorn vagina.

Crusty Sea Pirate (whilst looking at pirate-era porn): "Arg, wouldya look at the bearded rascal on this fine wench!"

by richippr October 1, 2008