Beard Magic

1. An umbrella term referencing all religious laws of an 'irrational' nature, most often found in the Abrahamic faiths and often in the older texts.

2. The correlation between support for hair-brained third-party candidates (i.e. Ron Paul, The Green Party, etc.) and the length and scope of one's facial hair.
Used in a sentence:

1:

"Dude, that Deuteronomy shit is total Beard Magic."

or

"I was going to have sex with Becky but she's on the rag and that would violate the laws of beard magic."

2:

"I swear, the only reason Jack is voting for Kinky Friedman is that kooky beard magic."

"Rob, you don't want to vote libertarian, you're just under the spell of your beard's magic (sic). Shave that shit off."
by agentlorneue September 28, 2009
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Goat's beard

A term taken from the highly historical and accurate series 'Vikings' referring to the female sex organ covered in foliage because presumably they didn't have handy razors way back when.... just big axes
''And the Earl who has nothing between his legs, but a goat's beard''
by Floki the Viking June 14, 2015
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Lettuce Beard

Literally: one who has been stuck in a hole or lying underground for an extended period of time to the point where his/her face has become the roots for an above-ground head of lettuce.

Commonly confused with: vegetarian, codswallop, Prince Caspian, homeless, loose leg.

This phrase can also be used as a compliment.
You should try his ganache. So light and perfect...he's quite a lettuce beard!
by Shapely December 06, 2010
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Rapist Beard

Facial hair that is unkept and intimidating.
Typically agressive male rapists have this type of beard since they do not bother with grooming activities as they have more important things to do like lift weights, drink beer, smoke ganja and scope out dark alleys.
Dude what's with the rapist beard?

-Haven't been able to shave sinc i spent my last 10 bucks on new wife beater shirts.
by powerhouse1978 September 25, 2012
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leprechaun in the beard

When a man with a large beard gives somebody a blow job, and the receiver of said blow job has ingested nothing but pineapple juice for the past 3 days.
Dude, he's on one of those weird cleanses-- don't hit him up on Grindr unless you're *trying* to get a leprechaun in the beard.
by TeamHiscock January 16, 2014
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Bearded Rascal

An unshorn vagina.
Crusty Sea Pirate (whilst looking at pirate-era porn): "Arg, wouldya look at the bearded rascal on this fine wench!"
by richippr August 06, 2008
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monkey beard

A pudenda covered with bristles, similar to a chimp or monkeys chin. Can chafe or irritate the male groin during intercourse. Usually the result of non-frequent tending to the Lady Garden.
I dumped my load all over her monkey beard.
by Steve Zodiac February 16, 2012
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